|Posted on April 30, 2017 at 12:05 AM||comments (38085)|
|Posted on March 6, 2017 at 10:25 PM||comments (742)|
How do we forgive our self when we are not being or doing what we think that we should?
Loving our Shadow side…
We all have those bits of our self that we’d rather forget existed. The part of our self that we feel ashamed about and want to hide from others. Perhaps that’s a part of you that gets angry, or defensive, or jealous or insecure.
Perhaps it’s the part that feels needy and wants to emotionally eat, or that part that wants to blame, judge and criticise others, or even yourself.
If you are not sure what your shadow side is, then ask yourself what irritates you the most about other people, and you can be guaranteed that is it….
I have a shadow side of me that expresses itself through anger and resentment. It’s a part of me that in the past I have felt ashamed of and total regret at times. It’s a part of me that I want to kept hidden in the closet and pretend it doesn’t exist and sometimes I even get angry at it for existing….
You see this angry part of me used to express itself a lot when I was a child, particularly when I felt overwhelmed and tired and was picking up on others stresses around me and didn’t know what to do with the excess emotions that I was feeling.
My gorgeous Mum, obviously doing her best and wanting her daughter to be the best version of herself as well, used to pop me in my room and would let me know that I could come out when I was happy…. Which I’m sure seems completely rational and normal as a parent to do that. It’s even something that I copied for my own children, until I understood the ramifications.
Well for a small child, isolation certainly makes you get your emotions sorted very quickly, as the need to be loved and to fit in and belong, as we all know is hard wired into us from birth, as a survival mechanism. We all want to be loved and belong.
I learnt very quickly, how to shove down those emotions, swallow those feelings and to “pop on my happy face”, just so that I could come out of my room and re-join my family. With intense emotions these types of behaviours are driven deeply into our subconscious as patterns that resurface in a similar situation, until they are consciously challenged and transformed. (Generally as an adult)
Knowing what I know now. I realise how much suppression of my feelings and shame that I have felt when experiencing different emotions, when they were anything other than what would be “pleasant or acceptable” for others. This is not to say that it’s ok to behave any way that I want to, however by not taking the time to understand my initial feelings and emotional hurt, then it becomes a perpetuating cycle that deepens with pain and angst every single time it is experienced.
My need to hide and withdraw from others, when my “bad behaviour” arises has been massively challenged by living in a larger family now and has forced me to really look at this aspect of myself and to make peace with it and yes even forgive it, and also forgive the other parts of myself that have judged myself for this behaviour in the past.
To do this, I started to journal about my angry side. I discovered how judged it had felt, when all it was trying to do, was to protect me, to help me, to be my friend and stick up for me when I was too scared to speak up for myself. My angry side was there letting me know by its presence, that I needed to rest, to not push so hard, to be kinder to myself, so I could also be kinder to others.
However in pushing it down, in supressing it, in hiding it, in locking it away and feeling shame around it, I couldn’t learn what it’s positive intention was for me. I couldn’t love it and thank it and appreciate it. I couldn’t discover, what it’s positive intention was and choose a different and more resourceful way of dealing with those feelings and discovering a higher path to meet those needs.
Pushing it down and hiding it away only further perpetuated the cycle. To transform any unresourceful, reoccurring emotion or behaviour we need to shine the light of love on it, by being present with it.
Take some time to think about what is an aspect or part of yourself that you are ashamed about, or that you don’t ever want anybody to ever find out about?
Ask it to speak with you, ask it how it feels? Write down anything that comes to mind, without judgement without criticising it or defending, justifying or withdrawing anything, just let that aspect of you express itself. Just like a hot air balloon exhaling all of its hot air. Until nothing else is left…
Then ask it what it’s positive intention is, ask it how it helps you each day? You may be surprised by the answer. Thank it. Genuinely thank this part of you for helping you and letting you know what now needs to change into a more resourceful behaviour so that it can be at peace now.
There is no right or wrong behaviour. That is purely a judgement of the mind. Everyone just wants to feel better and if we are consciously not choosing what needs to happen, then our subconscious programming will continue to show up and perpetuate our cycles. Our shadow side will continue to do what it does, until it feels fully loved, appreciated and thanked. It is no different to the rest of us. We all want to feel loved and appreciated.
This is true self love.
You see, it is easy to love our self when we are kind, when we are respectful, when we are doing the things that we believe that we should be… It’s much harder to love the lazy aspect, the uncommitted aspect, the unappreciative aspect, the nasty or spiteful aspect, the gossiping aspect, the victim aspect, the sad and angry and depressed aspect. And yet, this is what we need to love and appreciate the most, because until we do, we will always be irritated by others and our self when they are demonstrating this aspect as well.
Self- Love is not conditional. It is loving all parts of our being, for when we do so, it is transformed by the light of the love in our heart.
We cannot fight darkness with darkness, by shining the light of love into our darkest, deepest parts of ourselves we begin to heal and feel whole in our self again.
Sending you all so much love,
(Ps. If you feel really challenged to love and appreciate yourself, what is that preventing you from experiencing and having in life?
It's time for you. The Authentic Happiness gets you back in touch with you again. It assists you to Align your Heart, Find Your Freedom and Live your Truth.
To Apply now book a 30 Minute Complimentary Clarity Phone Session by clicking the link below, limited places available.)
|Posted on February 28, 2017 at 9:30 PM||comments (25424)|
How to MASSIVELY Improve your Relationship in 8 Minutes
Do you find that you are constantly feeling challenged in your relationship?
Do you often feel tension in your shoulders and your body?
Watching the video below is an absolute must as it addresses ONE OF THE SINGLE BIGGEST REASONS that causes breakdown of a relationship. Not only that, it also impacts so much on your own personal health, stress levels, wellbeing and overall happiness.
So obviously Feminine and Masculine energy and being in the right polarity in your relationship is MASSIVE, yet not many people know about this and how it impacts our intimate relationship so significantly.
However one of the biggest challenges that most people find, is that they are wanting their partner to be in their proper polarity before they feel able to be in theirs.
This is EXTREMELY DETRIMENTAL to your relationship and your own well being. As it's something that you can't control and places not only your relationship, but your own happiness in someone else's hands.
Time and time again, it always comes back to us OWNING 100% responsibility for our own happiness. For showing up and BEING who WE need to be, in order to live a wonderful life and create our dreams into reality.
The above video is just a sneak view of ONE OF THE MANY VIDEOS and topics that I cover in the Authentic Happiness program.
If you are feeling challenged in your relationship, or if you want to get back that amazing chemistry and take your intimate relationship to not just an ordinary, but a spectacular and incredible one, then The Authentic Happiness Program is a must for you, enabling you to understand yourself, why you make the key decisions that you do, even when you know deep down inside that it's not what you want or what is right for you.
When you COMMIT to understanding all of this about You, it will help you to not only understand, but positively infludence and change so much more about every relationship in your life for the better, not just with your intimate partner.
I truly believe there is no greater gift that we can give to one another than heartfelt love and understanding.
I am so CERTAIN of the RESULTS that you will get in this program that I offer a 100% GUARANTEE. However I also do not just put anybody into the program, I have to be CERTAIN that you are COMMITTED to YOU, and that YOU will SHOW UP FOR YOU.
This is NOT a QUICK FIX.
It is something that takes TIME, ENERGY and EFFORT, however for somebody that is truly COMMITTED to being the BEST VERSION of themselves and being an AMAZING role model for their CHILDREN and wanting to get and share the TOOLS and STRATEGIES with your immediate FAMILY, that create a SUCCESSFUL and FULFILLED life,
Then, this IS for you.
MOST people WANT to make CHANGES,
FEW RARELY DO, not because they don't want to.
But BECAUSE they don't DECIDE to....
They make everything else MORE important in their life, THINKING ONE DAY I'LL GET TO IT, and wake up 5 or 10 years later and wonder what happened.......
Most people don't choose to invest in themselves, because they feel guilty or wrong for spending money on themselves. Where your money goes EVERY WEEK tells you EXACTLY WHAT YOU VALUE the most.....
Even if it's NOT CONGRUENT with what you DO WANT TO VALUE.
INVESTING in you, with your HEALTH, WELLBEING and EDUCATION - Including Personal Development and taking great care of your physical, emotional and mental bodies, sends a CLEAR MESSAGE to your BRAIN that YOU are WORTHY, YOU are DESERVING and that YOU do COUNT.
To apply for the Authentic Happiness Program click below to
Book your obligation free call today to discuss where you're at and if you are a good fit for the Program by clicking here: https://options-for-life.cliniko.com/bookings
ONLY 10 PLACES AVAILABLE AT THE MOMENT.....
Or for a FREE taste of what I can offer through online courses, and if you're up for the Challenge and want 2017 to be your best year yet, jump into the 7 Day FEARLESS Challenge by clicking here: https://sallyholden.clickfunnels.com/squeeze-page-1j0nfn8x5
In Health, Love and Happiness,
Biggest Blessings to you now and always,
|Posted on February 27, 2017 at 9:40 PM||comments (17186)|
Can you honestly look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and really appreciate and genuinely love who you are? I’ll be honest, I certainly struggled with that for a long time in my life (I’m now 39), however, these days, I’m able to do it more and more consistently. Yes there are some days that I’d still like to change something, or I’m not as accepting of myself as I’d like to be, but on the whole, as I’ve learned to really embrace the uniqueness and beauty of who I really am, my life has leapt ahead in leaps and bounds, and that’s why I’d really like to share this journey with you.
You see, a few years ago, I felt similar to how you may feel right now. I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, and I allowed other’s opinions of me to totally influence how I felt about myself. My self- worth blew about in the wind, like an autumn leaf; sometimes it was up, and sometimes it was down, depending on what others around me said and did. Even if they were upset because of something in their own life, I would take it very personally and think that they didn’t like me and that maybe I needed to change. It was like I held my own self-worth and inner child in my hand asking for validation from other people, as if to ask them, “Am I ok? Will you love me and accept me, just as I am?” The response I received from the person I was interacting with at the time and the type of day they were having was how I determined if I was lovable or not. I allowed all of that to control the way that I felt about myself and the amount of love that I thought was available to me, as well as who I thought I needed to be for others to love me.
And this was because I let it be that way.
I chose to give away my own inner power and self-love to others and what I thought they thought of me. You can see how messed up this can become! It may not have even been truly what they were thinking, it was all based on my own perceptions of what I thought they were thinking, regardless of if they were actually thinking that or not!
Or if a friend or loved one was too busy and didn’t have time to catch up, my perception was that they didn’t like me or want to spend time with me, which I then perceived to mean that they didn’t love me. Even if the fact was that they were actually just REALLY BUSY!!!
I had no stability in my character or in my beliefs because they chopped and changed depending on how I was feeling about myself, which I allowed to be controlled by how others interacted with me.
Today I am rock solid in my core; yes, I certainly may have waves of emotions and feelings that come and go around me at times, but underneath, there are very sturdy foundations that I can absolutely rely on no matter what is going on in my outer world. I have more confidence, happiness, well-being and health than ever before, and most importantly, I really love and respect who I am and the person that I continue to evolve into every single day. I am able to more easily forgive myself for times when I mess up or don’t respond to others in a way that I would normally. I am also more easily able to forgive others, release my expectations of them, and allow them the freedom to be as they choose in each moment since my self-love and self-worth do not come from how they choose to interact with me.
If you find that it’s difficult to cultivate healthy Self-Love for you, make certain that you register your interest for my online Confident and Lovable Program (coming soon) by emailing me now at [email protected]
Wishing you a blessed and love filled day,
Sal Holden xo
|Posted on January 13, 2017 at 10:30 PM||comments (1097)|
Do you sabotage yourself?
Ever worked super hard to achieve something, you were dedicated, persistent, and committed, only to get there, and not really celebrate your success at all? In fact you actually find yourself down playing what you have achieved when you speak with others, or not even mentioning at all? You feel negative feelings arise, such as guilt, anxiety and a sense of shame at a deeper level that at first it’s hard to acknowledge, you just know that you don’t feel quite right?
This can arise when we feel guilty for achieving success in our life. It can show up in any area, health and fitness and body image, financially, relationships and it tends to be an upper limit issue as Gay Hendriks writes about in “The Big Leap”.
This really comes back to a feeling that we are abandoning others or being disloyal to others through achieving our success, or that our success could actually hurt them, and make them feel bad or not worthy or not capable.
It is our Ego’s way of keeping us small and not allowing our true soul and spirit to shine. For to do so, threatens the very safety of our wellbeing in “not fitting into our tribe” any more.
The conflict that we can experience, along with these feelings of guilt or shame, can also be anger and resentment. And statement’s such as “I worked hard for this”. “They weren’t the ones doing the work and getting up early.” These are all ways of justifying our “worthiness”.
Our WORTH is NEVER in question.
It is only our EGO/SURVIVAL mind that believes it needs to be worthy or deserving to receive things because it is constantly judging our self, others and the world around us in an effort to separate itself and make things good, bad, black white, so it can understand the world enough to attempt to protect itself. The EGO/SURVIVAL mind creates constructs of BELIEFS, in order to make sense of things and the way that it believes that life is. It’s trying to figure out the RULES, so it can FOLLOW them and then be SAFE. The only problem is that there are so many RULES and everyone has DIFFERENT rules, and so many of them CONFLICT with other rules!!
No wonder our minds get us in such a mess when we are trying to figure things out!
I personally have FOUND that the less RULES we have the HAPPIER we are. Byron Katie’s “The Work” (www.thework.com) is so profound in helping us to identify what our unresourceful rules and beliefs are, and especially the ones that we PROJECT onto others and believe that THEY should be following, even when half the time we are not even CONSISTENT with following our own rules!
In Australia particularly we also have what’s called “Tall Poppy Syndrome”. We are very quick to cut down or to judge, anyone that is getting too “big for their boots.”
No one likes a boaster, and yet when it comes to celebrating our successes in a genuine HEART FELT way of self-love, self-nurturing, rather than from a place of EGO and needing to PROVE how good we are, to overcome our fear of “not being enough” we are often still judged or have the fear of being judged by others. And that’s where the GUILT comes in. The emotion of GUILT seeks punishment. So therefore even if I am successful , if I feel guilty or bad about it, then maybe it’s ok……
NO!!! This is a deep inner conflict stemming from the FEAR of “it’s not ok for me to be successful and yet, I want to be successful.”
Until you question and clear this belief and inner conflict up, this will continue to hold you back and sabotage your efforts to move forward, in any area of your life.
Until we are ok with being successful, we will always hold back from fear of being judged, or dampen our success with feelings of guilt or shame.
3 Ways to let go of guilt, shame or sabotage when you are improving your life and getting great results!
1. Discover your limiting beliefs or fears – journal about them and follow the Byron Katie process to clear these. “I feel guilty for being so successful.” “They will judge me”
2. Find supportive people to celebrate your success with. People that are not threatened (through Ego) with your success and are genuinely excited and delighted for you. Celebrate others successes with them! Feelings of Success breed more success, so celebrate their win as if it’s your own and you will also be conditioning Success into your own nervous system!
3. Observe if you ever feel jealous of others success. Know that whilst ever you do, you will always hold yourself back on some level, because you will not want others to be jealous of you and you will never allow yourself to pursue something that you feel negative about.
Tap into your heart energy regularly, through placing your left hand on your heart and breathing in deeply for a few minutes. Allow your “monkey mind” to quieten down – daily consistent meditation practice will help with this.
Your highest self, truest version of you is never judgemental. It is that quiet, calm, clear, loving and supportive voice, that wants you to succeed, not from a place of PROVING your WORTH, but from a place of demonstrating WHO you REALLY are at your core. Living from this space will give you an inner peace, that most yearn for their entire lives.
If you find that you regularly sabotage yourself, this is coming from a place of fear.
Apply now by clicking the link below to join The 7 DAY FEARLESS CHALLENGE! Launching on the 30th of January!
|Posted on January 10, 2017 at 3:50 PM||comments (1387)|
Powerful GIFTS to TRANSFORM your life.
There’s a lot to be said for determination. People that have a strong drive, strong work ethics and discipline will also have loads of determination. It’s the grit, the gall, the “never gonna give up” attitude that helps them succeed.
Determination is such a gift. I’m quite sure that people have thought that at times I can be stubborn, impatient, demanding and yes even bossy. You see, I have little patience for letting goals go. For allowing our self to get knocked down, and to stay down. For letting everything get too hard and to let our dreams go. Because to do so, lets a little piece of our heart go EVERY SINGLE TIME.
When I let my dreams die, a small part inside of me dies with it. It may only be subtle at first, but do that enough times and I can tell you, it hurts. It hurts so bad, to feel so empty, so numb, with little self-esteem left, with zero passion, zero fight, zero will to live, because over time we let things go, so subtly at first, but before we know it, we have lost who we are and what is important to us.
The fire inside goes out.
I know because, at one point in my life, I let my determination go. Not completely, but 99% of it was surrendered and at times, it gets challenged, as too much, too disciplined, too rigid, too demanding on myself. But without this stuff called determination, I would still be a struggling single Mum, constantly doubting her worth, feeling like she was dying inside from fear and anxiety and scared about how she could afford the cost of surviving, let alone giving her children the opportunities that she really wanted to.
DETERMINATION is a MASCULINE trait. Yes, totally. So are DISCIPLINE, FOCUS and COMMITMENT.
It makes me hard, tough and rigid. Resilient and STRONG. Independent and POWERFUL.
And it’s BECAUSE of this, that my soft, gooey, feminine essence can arise from within, as my energies balance through this PRECARIOUS journey. You see, without the protection of my POWERFUL masculine side coming through, my feminine does not feel SAFE enough to allow it to be seen.
I share this with you, not because you need to hear ramblings of my past, god forbid! But because I’m sure there will be a part of you that resonates. A part of you that has made another part of you wrong for a long time. A part of you that you supressed and felt guilt and even maybe shame about, just as I did about feeling too disciplined, too committed, too determined.
A part of you, that really actually is a GIFT. What is it in you that you have pushed down and suppressed? When YOU decide to own ALL OF YOU, this becomes your GIFT. Some of the following journaling questions come from Rebecca Campbell’s book “Rise Sister Rise”. I highly recommend reading this if you haven’t already.
What is it that people have said that you are “too much of”? Too emotional? Too overbearing, too opinionated, too sexual, too passionate?
This is your unique strength.
What does this unique gift demand from you in order to nurture it?
This is your medicine, needed to nurture and grow your gift, in order to fully utilize it as your gift to share with the world.
What needs to change in your life, or within you, so that you may share your gift more fully with the world as a powerful catalyst for positive change?
What is it that you now need to share?
How could you express this GIFT more fully in a powerful and positive way?
Embrace ALL of you, the LIGHT and the DARK. For to only embrace and accept the parts of you that you think are ok, is CONDITIONAL love. When we do this to our self, we can’t help but also project that onto others in the form of judgement and criticism.
We are here to GROW into LOVE. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, accepting the good, the bad and the ugly. Not from a place of not having standards, for our self and responsibility for our all of our behaviour, but through LOVE that we transcend the illusion of FEAR and JUDGEMENT and from that place, true CHOICE arises, not through obedience, need to, or have to, but through CHOOSING WHO WE ARE and what we wish to DEMONSTRATE TODAY as a result of that.
So much LOVE to you all.
PS. If you are feeling STUCK and immobilised at times with fear, worry and anxiety, jump into my FEARLESS webinar this Thursday at 6pm!!
Understand why you feel Fear and how your biggest fears are your greatest guidance
• Let go of feeling stuck and paralysed by fear
• Melt anxiety and tension through this one easy step
• Discover the one tool that I use daily to dissolve fear
• Be absolutely clear on your 5 Top actions to take to create a better relationship, more money, more time, more self-belief and better health in 2017!
• Extra BONUS waiting for you inside the WEBINAR!
|Posted on January 9, 2017 at 12:00 AM||comments (10556)|
Allowing the people we love to be on their own journey.
It can be hard standing by and watching someone we love suffer. They may be going through any sort of challenge, perhaps it’s to do with health, a relationship, work, school or their own self confidence.
Quite often we may feel the need to jump in and “save” this person. To help them fix whatever it is they are going through. We may give them “advice” on what to do, or what not to do, based on what WE BELIEVE would be best for them.
They may put up with a situation for much longer than we believe that they should or they may not seem willing to change it.
This can all be very frustrating for us at times. Especially if we love and adore this person and if we just want them to be happy.
Of course this is just another way that we project our own rules onto others, about how we believe that they “should be”, even though the underlying intention of doing so, is coming from a complete place of love and wanting the best for them.
It is still a CONDITIONAL love.
We can NOT assume what is best for them, and their soul’s evolution.
Even in the most challenging of circumstances, we do not know or understand why they are going through that situation. We can start to begin to understand what growth is needed for them to live the life they have always wanted, by questioning what it is that they may be learning. Perhaps they are learning inner strength, perhaps they are learning resilience, the meaning or purpose of their life or to stand up for themselves. Whatever it is I am sure that if they took the time to sit down and ask themselves, they would know at a deep level what that is.
It is NOT our job to interfere in their process, by judging it or needing them to change it.
The minute we go into judgement, about someone or their situation, we lose the power to influence that person. We may be so fixated on getting them out of the discomfort they feel, because we are looking at their situation, imagining what that would feel like and then feeling OUR pain associated with this, believing it to be their pain.
I believe the BEST gift that we can ever give to anyone is to hold the space lovingly for them in knowing at all times that they are safe, they have found their answers and they have come through this situation,(even if it appears that hasn’t happened just yet) without needing to FORCE, CONTROL or MAKE anything else happen. This is not being unloving, uncaring or selfish. By doing this, it allows us to let go of our pain that we are projecting onto them and be even MORE PRESENT for them.
It will allow us to lovingly and compassionately listen to where they are at, without JUDGEMENT, this will allow them the space to get CLEAR on what is happening for them.
The more someone feels judged for their situation, the more they will stay stuck, as they will feel the need to JUSTIFY, DEFEND and perhaps blame others for what is happening.
By holding the space for them, that they are whole, perfect and complete exactly the way they are and knowing that they are experiencing this situation for a reason, will allow you to not be as affected by their situation, both energetically and emotionally. It’s only when we jump into their drama and add to it with our own emotion, judgement, thoughts and beliefs that we will add to their negative feelings.
This is harder to do the closer we are to someone. It’s particularly hard to do with our own children.
It was one of the best lessons that I ever got in letting go of attempting to control external situations to do with other people.
To attempt to exert control of another, because of what I believed they were doing was morally wrong, created even more challenges and difficulties, not only for myself, but for my kids and the other person. When I stepped back, resolved my own emotions about the situation by doing “The Work” by Byron Katie (www.thework.com) I could then lovingly hold the space for my children’s soul journey.
Knowing with FAITH and TRUST, that what was happening was helping their soul’s evolve and grow in a very powerful way. I know that the lessons they learnt in that situation, was so powerful and they could have not have received those lessons in any other way.
We need to embrace the UPS and DOWNS of life. It IS CYCLIC. It won’t always be blossoms and flowers. We NEED the winter too, to appreciate the SUNSHINE.
It’s when we can find VALUE in all experiences that life begins to take a very different turn for us. We start to live with a peace and serenity in our hearts, regardless of what is happening externally to our self or to those we LOVE.
It is only FEAR that creates judgement through the SURVIVAL MIND. Often screaming at us, through its monkey mind chatter, that this is NOT ok, and starts to ruminate with FEARS from PAST EXPERIENCES as well as bringing in FUTURE what ifs! We have a powerful imagination and if it is not being CONSCIOUSLY directed by our heart and soul, in can have emotionally devastating results for us.
By dropping back into our HEART SPACE, letting go of judgement and fear, letting go of our SURVIVAL MIND attempting to run the show, then that is where TRUE FREEDOM is found.
PS. If this resonates with you and you are keen to learn more, SIGN UP to my FEARLESS WEBINAR!! Embracing Fear, to create a life you love!
Thursday the 12th of January at 6pm!
- Understand why you feel Fear and how your biggest fears are your greatest guidance
- Let go of feeling stuck and paralysed by fear
- Melt anxiety and tension through this one easy step
- Discover the one tool that I use daily to dissolve fear
- Be absolutely clear on your 5 Top actions to take to create a better relationship, more money, more time, more self-belief and better health in 2017!
- Extra BONUS waiting for you inside the WEBINAR!
Click on the link on Facebook to attend live, or get the recording!
|Posted on January 5, 2017 at 5:45 PM||comments (1799)|
What to do when you are stuck!
Life can feel so frustrating at times when we feel that we are spinning on the spot and even though we feel that we are trying to move forward, it can feel that we are either trying to walk through a boggy marsh or worse still quick sand! The harder we try, the more we struggle and the lower we sink. We can often feel overwhelmed, exhausted, confused and conflicted – feeling pulled in multiple directions.
To be able to experience the freedom that we long for and seek. Freedom from fear, struggle, anxiety and worry. Of course when we feel that we are stuck, then that is what we will be noticing in our lives. All the places we feel stuck and haven’t followed through on and we will tend to think about those things and begin to stack them on top of each other, until it feels that a massive weight and burden is on our shoulders!
It’s time to shake that off!
Check out my quick 3 minute video on how to do that!
It’s time to let all that go, this is a time to be super kind and gentle with yourself. It is not about beating yourself up to do more, or be more, or you should have or could have…..
It’s a time to get clear on what you want instead. It’s about taking time to acknowledge and tune into what’s most important to you.
When you know what you want and you know what’s most important to you based on what you value most in life and in what order, then it becomes much easier to make decisions.
You will know what needs to be taken care of first.
Ask yourself “What would be the one thing that I could do today, that would make the biggest difference to move me forward in this area?”
The next key is taking action. Get it into your planner and start today. You will be amazed by just taking action, on that one thing, how much energy you will free up, how much resistance you will dissolve and how much better you will feel about yourself.
Be kind and gentle with you, we all get stuck at times. It’s just a little gift, reminding us to tune back into what’s most important to us!
If you don’t know what’s most important to you, or what you value the most in life, or if you find yourself in constant struggle and overwhelm and you long to lead a happier life, please inbox me today, I’d love to chat with you and I have a super cool challenge that you may be eligible to participate in that will really start to create super positive movement in your life!
|Posted on January 4, 2017 at 12:55 AM||comments (410)|
We can tend to spend a lifetime, trying to avoid our emotions.
Most people find them at best, ok and at worst, downright annoying and frustrating things that makes them feel completely out of control, vulnerable and weak in the world.
At times our emotions can appear to have a devastating and debilitating effect on our lives. However I truly believe that our emotions are an incredible gift.
They are our guidance system, navigating us every day and letting us know that we are getting off course and need to either a.) change our thinking or b.) change our actions.
At times people can feel completely out of control with their emotions and it can feel that the emotions “just happen” and they can’t stop them. I also believe that majority of panic attacks come from deeply suppressed emotion, that have been pushed down and shoved down in an attempt to free our self from them, because the situation at the time had put us in a state of survival, and to get through the situation, this was what needed to happen in order to be able to function in the world.
For some, facing their own emotions is the scariest thing in the world.
After diving into some of my deepest emotions and deciding to embrace the experience instead of avoid the experience I discovered that my emotions could actually teach me quite a lot about myself.
Emotions are created within the body, by the meaning and perception that we have when we look at or experience an event, by what we tell our self about that event, by the way we hold our body and physiology – everybody could describe how a depressed person looks v’s a confident person, and by what we are choosing to focus on at the time.
We can very quickly change our pattern of emotions by changing any one of these things consciously. The problem is that we become addicted to particular emotions because they are meeting at least one or more of the 6 human needs discovered by Tony Robbins (Certainty, Variety, Significance, Love/Connection, Growth & Contribution), even if it is in an unresourceful way, and even if it breaks our own rules and values.
The thing that I love about our emotions is that they are here to guide us back home to reconnect us again with our truest self and our heart. When our emotions are way off and feel awful, it is like the bumpy bits on the sides of the highway that are letting us know that we are getting off track.
The biggest problem that we have is firstly believing that we shouldn’t have any problems in life and secondly it is in our perspective and arguing against reality and what it “should” look like that can create the unresourceful emotions.
We take our own rules and expectations and place them on others or circumstances, only to discover they break our rules, just like we do with our self and end up feeling bitterly disappointed, let down and perhaps angry and resentful.
Our emotions are here to let us know, that something is off.
Either our thoughts, our rules and beliefs or our actions. Our inner guidance and truest self, knows at all times that we are perfectly ok, whole and complete. It knows and trusts that we are never in danger and everything will be ok, even in death. Our MIND is the one that jumps in with fear and scarcity thinking, trying to protect, defend and justify. Because our MIND is what separates everything into good/bad, right/wrong, hot/cold etc. because our MIND is built for SURVIVAL not for SUCCESS.
Our heart and truest self, knows and trusts in the process of life and knows that life happens for us, not to us.
If you are experiencing high levels of anxiety, your MIND has taken over your HEART, which will always result in FEAR based thinking because that is what it is DESIGNED to do. The MIND is here to protect us and keep our physical body safe.
Now the remedy here, is a spiritual one, it is knowing that we are more than just a physical body. Our energy and the way we interact with each other, gives us clear indications that we are more than just our physical body, not to mention modern science has also proven this recently.
The anecdote is quietening the mind enough, to hear the soft, gentle whisper of our heart. To tap into its highest truth and to listen to all that it has to say. It is always calm, ever present, and will always present the highest perspective for us to tap into. The only issue is quietening and training the MIND enough, especially when we feel that we are operating in SURVIVAL mode, day in day out.
And to be truthfully honest, I do believe that’s how most of us live day to day. Just trying to get through the day instead of truly THRIVING!
I’m here to let you know that life does NOT have to be this way. There IS another way, and it is a path of fulfilment, contentment, growth, contribution, being the best version of you and helping EMPOWER not only yourself, but others along the way.
If your MIND and EMOTIONS are frustrating you and holding you back from living a life you truly love, I honestly believe that you ALREADY have the answers you need.
When you allow your HEART to GUIDE your MIND, instead of ALLOWING your MIND to run the show, you will experience a new serenity, a new peacefulness and calmness in your life. Your MIND will become an amazing tool that you can fully utilize to HELP you, not hinder you through FEARFUL thoughts and wanting to PROTECT yourself.
After feeling endless frustration with feeling totally out of control with my own emotions and own life circumstances, I went on an 8 year journey to find the answers I needed to live a life I LOVE.
I have developed a step by step, simple and easy system to assist you to UNDERSTAND how YOUR MIND works and why it does what it does. A system to align YOU with YOUR own HEART, to find your FREEDOM and to LIVE your TRUTH and CREATE a life you LOVE.
A 10 week online program where you are fully SUPPORTED with an amazing and nurturing online community with other like-minded souls on the journey, weekly live Q & A webinars and 1 on 1 assistance to help QUIETEN your MIND and tap into YOUR own internal GUIDANCE and TRUTH.
Our days are mini versions of our LIFE.
If your days are not what you dreamed they would be, it’s time to take action now.
You don’t have to follow my system to FIND your answers, of course they are ALL inside of you now, your own intuition and guidance will take you to where you need to be to find them. Internally or Externally.
However if YOUR life is busy and full with commitments, family, work and running a household as mine was, and if you don’t want to spend over 6 Figures getting the answers and keys to understand and create a LIFE you LOVE and waiting another 2- 8 years to FIND it, then perhaps the Authentic Happiness Program is the answer you’ve been looking for?
Want to know more?
Tired of the crazy emotions and Ready to take Action?
Want to be the best role model for your kids and teach them the tools they need to live a fulfilling and empowered life?
If you answered yes to the above, it’s time to stop talking about it, stop thinking about it and DECIDE to take ACTION.
Click on the Web Store Link to discover more!
P.S. If this message really resonates with you, lets spread the positivity by sharing it with your friends and loved ones. We can all use a little help and reminding at times! xox
|Posted on January 3, 2017 at 2:15 AM||comments (1354)|
Your Relationships are a REFLECTION of YOU!
Relationships really can cause so many different emotions. How we interact with others and how we perceive that they are interacting with us can often make or break us emotionally in any given moment. Especially so, if we are particularly close to that person and are dependent in some way on them for their love and validation.
Why do relationships feel so challenging at times? What is really at the heart of some of the pointless arguments and conflicts that we get into at times? Even if it is a silent muttering under the breath!
What sparks the deeper emotional reaction in us?
It is fear. Fear that we are not enough, and therefore we won’t be loved. Fear that we have failed or disappointed someone in some way and that we will be “outcast” or at the very least ignored for a while, whilst that person has withdrawn their love and affection, as they are reeling from their own emotional reaction around what they’ve also just experienced. This can really cause a cascade effect that can really unravel even the best of relationships.
Unless we can stop in the MOMENT and ask our self a new question, “What else could this mean?”
We are so quick to take things personally and believe that someone is angry or upset with us. Our subconscious mind decides 5 seconds faster than we can consciously think, what this event means, based on old files from past experiences. This only further entrenches our unresourceful beliefs about people, relationships and our self, based on our perceptions of our experiences from ages 0-7.
(A bit tricky to figure out what things mean at that age, isn’t it!?!)
Once we really get to dive deep into relationships and start to consciously question the reason why we have such a heightened emotional response to them, it can really begin to free up long standing issues. We can start to express at a deep heart felt level what is really going on for us, and better yet listen to others sharing from their heart without the need to jump in and defend ourselves or our actions. It creates a much DEEPER bond and builds essential TRUST between both people.
From what I’ve noticed the most both personally, but also with many clients is that what causes the greatest issues in relationships is misunderstood intentions.
We can sometimes believe that a person intentionally meant to hurt us. That when they were late, it meant that they didn’t care about us. When they didn’t call, they forgot us, because we’re not important. We take things so personally, even when it is NOTHING TO DO WITH US!
Ever been late? Did it mean you didn’t care about the other person? If anything you were probably feeling bad or guilty for being late.
Ever not called someone when you said that you would? Were you caught up in your own things that were going on at the time? No doubt you wanted to reach out to them as soon as you could.
This is where the fights break out, because someone is accusing someone of an underlying misunderstood intention, and the other is vehemently defending their intention. Both parties, generally want the same outcome, to feel loved, appreciated and understood. However whilst both are busy defending their actions, neither is really listening to HOW the other person is FEELING!
Until heartfelt understanding happens, feelings will be hurt, and the issue will not be resolved at the deepest heartfelt level, it will be stored as another hurt and resentment that is held onto perhaps in angry silence, that will continue to corrode the relationship. Until it is rectified through understanding.
I have so much gratitude for all of my relationships, especially the challenging ones, for they teach me so much about myself. How I am showing up, what beliefs I still have that don’t serve me, what I most dislike about myself, or what is yet to be healed and transformed inside of me. Not to mention so much love, fun and playfulness when things are understood, healed and transformed.
Whether it is a relationship with a family member, a friend, a client, a work colleague or a person that you haven’t even met, how you interact with them and how they interact with you (which is really your own perception of what they are or aren’t doing) can really TELL you so much about yourself if you are willing to see it.
We are constantly attracting things and situations into our life with our thoughts and beliefs. We are constantly projecting our own rules and beliefs onto others, believing that they should be doing it “our way”. Ever been really irritated by someone? What you dislike the most in them, is what you dislike the most in yourself. Anytime we say “they should or shouldn’t……” we are PROJECTING our own rules about how we believe they should be living onto them. This is why our relationships are our GREATEST MIRROR. It’s like holding up a big mirror, showing you all the parts that you don’t like about YOU!
We all have those parts, that we dislike – our shadow side. Perhaps it’s our lazy side, our fearful or anxious side, our angry or spiteful side, our disorganised side. However when we are only loving our action side, our confident, loving and organised side and dismissing the rest with angry contempt, this is CONDITIONAL LOVE and it’s this that we project onto others. Until we can fall in love with all parts of our self, we will always react with others about what we dislike the most in our self when we notice that in their behaviour.
This is why SELF-LOVE is the MOST IMPORTANT work you will ever do! Because your RELATIONSHIP with yourself AFFECTS all other relationships!
Most of the time we are too busy defending, justifying, trying to convince others of our actions or how we are right, to be able to stop and consciously get the lesson or the learning from the interaction.
The next time that you have a challenging situation in a relationship, ask yourself the following questions;
“What else could this mean?”
“What else is happening for this person?”
“What need are they trying to meet? Is it love? Appreciation, Certainty, Security?”
“What else could this mean? What do I need to heal or love in me, so that this no longer irritates me?”
Have fun and be playful with this, laughter can really help to ease a tense situation and the more you can be honest, real and express what’s really happening for you from your heart in a loving, compassionate way, the more miracles you will experience in your relationships.
Love Sal xox
If you are feeling challenged in your personal relationships and you know that it’s time you took care of you, then The Authentic Happiness Program is for you! Check it out by clicking on the Web Store tab above. xo