|Posted on April 30, 2017 at 12:05 AM||comments (7802)|
|Posted on March 6, 2017 at 10:25 PM||comments (37)|
How do we forgive our self when we are not being or doing what we think that we should?
Loving our Shadow side…
We all have those bits of our self that we’d rather forget existed. The part of our self that we feel ashamed about and want to hide from others. Perhaps that’s a part of you that gets angry, or defensive, or jealous or insecure.
Perhaps it’s the part that feels needy and wants to emotionally eat, or that part that wants to blame, judge and criticise others, or even yourself.
If you are not sure what your shadow side is, then ask yourself what irritates you the most about other people, and you can be guaranteed that is it….
I have a shadow side of me that expresses itself through anger and resentment. It’s a part of me that in the past I have felt ashamed of and total regret at times. It’s a part of me that I want to kept hidden in the closet and pretend it doesn’t exist and sometimes I even get angry at it for existing….
You see this angry part of me used to express itself a lot when I was a child, particularly when I felt overwhelmed and tired and was picking up on others stresses around me and didn’t know what to do with the excess emotions that I was feeling.
My gorgeous Mum, obviously doing her best and wanting her daughter to be the best version of herself as well, used to pop me in my room and would let me know that I could come out when I was happy…. Which I’m sure seems completely rational and normal as a parent to do that. It’s even something that I copied for my own children, until I understood the ramifications.
Well for a small child, isolation certainly makes you get your emotions sorted very quickly, as the need to be loved and to fit in and belong, as we all know is hard wired into us from birth, as a survival mechanism. We all want to be loved and belong.
I learnt very quickly, how to shove down those emotions, swallow those feelings and to “pop on my happy face”, just so that I could come out of my room and re-join my family. With intense emotions these types of behaviours are driven deeply into our subconscious as patterns that resurface in a similar situation, until they are consciously challenged and transformed. (Generally as an adult)
Knowing what I know now. I realise how much suppression of my feelings and shame that I have felt when experiencing different emotions, when they were anything other than what would be “pleasant or acceptable” for others. This is not to say that it’s ok to behave any way that I want to, however by not taking the time to understand my initial feelings and emotional hurt, then it becomes a perpetuating cycle that deepens with pain and angst every single time it is experienced.
My need to hide and withdraw from others, when my “bad behaviour” arises has been massively challenged by living in a larger family now and has forced me to really look at this aspect of myself and to make peace with it and yes even forgive it, and also forgive the other parts of myself that have judged myself for this behaviour in the past.
To do this, I started to journal about my angry side. I discovered how judged it had felt, when all it was trying to do, was to protect me, to help me, to be my friend and stick up for me when I was too scared to speak up for myself. My angry side was there letting me know by its presence, that I needed to rest, to not push so hard, to be kinder to myself, so I could also be kinder to others.
However in pushing it down, in supressing it, in hiding it, in locking it away and feeling shame around it, I couldn’t learn what it’s positive intention was for me. I couldn’t love it and thank it and appreciate it. I couldn’t discover, what it’s positive intention was and choose a different and more resourceful way of dealing with those feelings and discovering a higher path to meet those needs.
Pushing it down and hiding it away only further perpetuated the cycle. To transform any unresourceful, reoccurring emotion or behaviour we need to shine the light of love on it, by being present with it.
Take some time to think about what is an aspect or part of yourself that you are ashamed about, or that you don’t ever want anybody to ever find out about?
Ask it to speak with you, ask it how it feels? Write down anything that comes to mind, without judgement without criticising it or defending, justifying or withdrawing anything, just let that aspect of you express itself. Just like a hot air balloon exhaling all of its hot air. Until nothing else is left…
Then ask it what it’s positive intention is, ask it how it helps you each day? You may be surprised by the answer. Thank it. Genuinely thank this part of you for helping you and letting you know what now needs to change into a more resourceful behaviour so that it can be at peace now.
There is no right or wrong behaviour. That is purely a judgement of the mind. Everyone just wants to feel better and if we are consciously not choosing what needs to happen, then our subconscious programming will continue to show up and perpetuate our cycles. Our shadow side will continue to do what it does, until it feels fully loved, appreciated and thanked. It is no different to the rest of us. We all want to feel loved and appreciated.
This is true self love.
You see, it is easy to love our self when we are kind, when we are respectful, when we are doing the things that we believe that we should be… It’s much harder to love the lazy aspect, the uncommitted aspect, the unappreciative aspect, the nasty or spiteful aspect, the gossiping aspect, the victim aspect, the sad and angry and depressed aspect. And yet, this is what we need to love and appreciate the most, because until we do, we will always be irritated by others and our self when they are demonstrating this aspect as well.
Self- Love is not conditional. It is loving all parts of our being, for when we do so, it is transformed by the light of the love in our heart.
We cannot fight darkness with darkness, by shining the light of love into our darkest, deepest parts of ourselves we begin to heal and feel whole in our self again.
Sending you all so much love,
(Ps. If you feel really challenged to love and appreciate yourself, what is that preventing you from experiencing and having in life?
It's time for you. The Authentic Happiness gets you back in touch with you again. It assists you to Align your Heart, Find Your Freedom and Live your Truth.
To Apply now book a 30 Minute Complimentary Clarity Phone Session by clicking the link below, limited places available.)
|Posted on February 28, 2017 at 9:30 PM||comments (2)|
How to MASSIVELY Improve your Relationship in 8 Minutes
Do you find that you are constantly feeling challenged in your relationship?
Do you often feel tension in your shoulders and your body?
Watching the video below is an absolute must as it addresses ONE OF THE SINGLE BIGGEST REASONS that causes breakdown of a relationship. Not only that, it also impacts so much on your own personal health, stress levels, wellbeing and overall happiness.
So obviously Feminine and Masculine energy and being in the right polarity in your relationship is MASSIVE, yet not many people know about this and how it impacts our intimate relationship so significantly.
However one of the biggest challenges that most people find, is that they are wanting their partner to be in their proper polarity before they feel able to be in theirs.
This is EXTREMELY DETRIMENTAL to your relationship and your own well being. As it's something that you can't control and places not only your relationship, but your own happiness in someone else's hands.
Time and time again, it always comes back to us OWNING 100% responsibility for our own happiness. For showing up and BEING who WE need to be, in order to live a wonderful life and create our dreams into reality.
The above video is just a sneak view of ONE OF THE MANY VIDEOS and topics that I cover in the Authentic Happiness program.
If you are feeling challenged in your relationship, or if you want to get back that amazing chemistry and take your intimate relationship to not just an ordinary, but a spectacular and incredible one, then The Authentic Happiness Program is a must for you, enabling you to understand yourself, why you make the key decisions that you do, even when you know deep down inside that it's not what you want or what is right for you.
When you COMMIT to understanding all of this about You, it will help you to not only understand, but positively infludence and change so much more about every relationship in your life for the better, not just with your intimate partner.
I truly believe there is no greater gift that we can give to one another than heartfelt love and understanding.
I am so CERTAIN of the RESULTS that you will get in this program that I offer a 100% GUARANTEE. However I also do not just put anybody into the program, I have to be CERTAIN that you are COMMITTED to YOU, and that YOU will SHOW UP FOR YOU.
This is NOT a QUICK FIX.
It is something that takes TIME, ENERGY and EFFORT, however for somebody that is truly COMMITTED to being the BEST VERSION of themselves and being an AMAZING role model for their CHILDREN and wanting to get and share the TOOLS and STRATEGIES with your immediate FAMILY, that create a SUCCESSFUL and FULFILLED life,
Then, this IS for you.
MOST people WANT to make CHANGES,
FEW RARELY DO, not because they don't want to.
But BECAUSE they don't DECIDE to....
They make everything else MORE important in their life, THINKING ONE DAY I'LL GET TO IT, and wake up 5 or 10 years later and wonder what happened.......
Most people don't choose to invest in themselves, because they feel guilty or wrong for spending money on themselves. Where your money goes EVERY WEEK tells you EXACTLY WHAT YOU VALUE the most.....
Even if it's NOT CONGRUENT with what you DO WANT TO VALUE.
INVESTING in you, with your HEALTH, WELLBEING and EDUCATION - Including Personal Development and taking great care of your physical, emotional and mental bodies, sends a CLEAR MESSAGE to your BRAIN that YOU are WORTHY, YOU are DESERVING and that YOU do COUNT.
To apply for the Authentic Happiness Program click below to
Book your obligation free call today to discuss where you're at and if you are a good fit for the Program by clicking here: https://options-for-life.cliniko.com/bookings
ONLY 10 PLACES AVAILABLE AT THE MOMENT.....
Or for a FREE taste of what I can offer through online courses, and if you're up for the Challenge and want 2017 to be your best year yet, jump into the 7 Day FEARLESS Challenge by clicking here: https://sallyholden.clickfunnels.com/squeeze-page-1j0nfn8x5
In Health, Love and Happiness,
Biggest Blessings to you now and always,
|Posted on February 27, 2017 at 9:40 PM||comments (7)|
Can you honestly look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and really appreciate and genuinely love who you are? I’ll be honest, I certainly struggled with that for a long time in my life (I’m now 39), however, these days, I’m able to do it more and more consistently. Yes there are some days that I’d still like to change something, or I’m not as accepting of myself as I’d like to be, but on the whole, as I’ve learned to really embrace the uniqueness and beauty of who I really am, my life has leapt ahead in leaps and bounds, and that’s why I’d really like to share this journey with you.
You see, a few years ago, I felt similar to how you may feel right now. I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, and I allowed other’s opinions of me to totally influence how I felt about myself. My self- worth blew about in the wind, like an autumn leaf; sometimes it was up, and sometimes it was down, depending on what others around me said and did. Even if they were upset because of something in their own life, I would take it very personally and think that they didn’t like me and that maybe I needed to change. It was like I held my own self-worth and inner child in my hand asking for validation from other people, as if to ask them, “Am I ok? Will you love me and accept me, just as I am?” The response I received from the person I was interacting with at the time and the type of day they were having was how I determined if I was lovable or not. I allowed all of that to control the way that I felt about myself and the amount of love that I thought was available to me, as well as who I thought I needed to be for others to love me.
And this was because I let it be that way.
I chose to give away my own inner power and self-love to others and what I thought they thought of me. You can see how messed up this can become! It may not have even been truly what they were thinking, it was all based on my own perceptions of what I thought they were thinking, regardless of if they were actually thinking that or not!
Or if a friend or loved one was too busy and didn’t have time to catch up, my perception was that they didn’t like me or want to spend time with me, which I then perceived to mean that they didn’t love me. Even if the fact was that they were actually just REALLY BUSY!!!
I had no stability in my character or in my beliefs because they chopped and changed depending on how I was feeling about myself, which I allowed to be controlled by how others interacted with me.
Today I am rock solid in my core; yes, I certainly may have waves of emotions and feelings that come and go around me at times, but underneath, there are very sturdy foundations that I can absolutely rely on no matter what is going on in my outer world. I have more confidence, happiness, well-being and health than ever before, and most importantly, I really love and respect who I am and the person that I continue to evolve into every single day. I am able to more easily forgive myself for times when I mess up or don’t respond to others in a way that I would normally. I am also more easily able to forgive others, release my expectations of them, and allow them the freedom to be as they choose in each moment since my self-love and self-worth do not come from how they choose to interact with me.
If you find that it’s difficult to cultivate healthy Self-Love for you, make certain that you register your interest for my online Confident and Lovable Program (coming soon) by emailing me now at [email protected]
Wishing you a blessed and love filled day,
Sal Holden xo
|Posted on January 5, 2017 at 5:45 PM||comments (7)|
What to do when you are stuck!
Life can feel so frustrating at times when we feel that we are spinning on the spot and even though we feel that we are trying to move forward, it can feel that we are either trying to walk through a boggy marsh or worse still quick sand! The harder we try, the more we struggle and the lower we sink. We can often feel overwhelmed, exhausted, confused and conflicted – feeling pulled in multiple directions.
To be able to experience the freedom that we long for and seek. Freedom from fear, struggle, anxiety and worry. Of course when we feel that we are stuck, then that is what we will be noticing in our lives. All the places we feel stuck and haven’t followed through on and we will tend to think about those things and begin to stack them on top of each other, until it feels that a massive weight and burden is on our shoulders!
It’s time to shake that off!
Check out my quick 3 minute video on how to do that!
It’s time to let all that go, this is a time to be super kind and gentle with yourself. It is not about beating yourself up to do more, or be more, or you should have or could have…..
It’s a time to get clear on what you want instead. It’s about taking time to acknowledge and tune into what’s most important to you.
When you know what you want and you know what’s most important to you based on what you value most in life and in what order, then it becomes much easier to make decisions.
You will know what needs to be taken care of first.
Ask yourself “What would be the one thing that I could do today, that would make the biggest difference to move me forward in this area?”
The next key is taking action. Get it into your planner and start today. You will be amazed by just taking action, on that one thing, how much energy you will free up, how much resistance you will dissolve and how much better you will feel about yourself.
Be kind and gentle with you, we all get stuck at times. It’s just a little gift, reminding us to tune back into what’s most important to us!
If you don’t know what’s most important to you, or what you value the most in life, or if you find yourself in constant struggle and overwhelm and you long to lead a happier life, please inbox me today, I’d love to chat with you and I have a super cool challenge that you may be eligible to participate in that will really start to create super positive movement in your life!
|Posted on December 28, 2016 at 4:55 PM||comments (52)|
Often in life there can be a tendency to want to escape our problems and we can have the belief that life will be better once we get more money, find the right relationship, have more time, or overcome this particular issue etc.
The only problem that arises with this level of thinking is that we are never really solving the core problems to progress to the next level of life. It keeps us stuck.
All people have problems. I’ll repeat that again…. ALL people have problems.
Albeit, very different problems, however no matter what stage of life and success we are at, if we are alive, then we will have problems that arise out of daily living and being human. We can waste SO much time and energy on resisting and despising the fact that we have problems.
The sooner that we can embrace our problems and utilise them, not only opportunities, but also as a platform to improve our life and evolve our soul as well as guidance that perhaps is indicating where we need to grow the most, it will free up a stack of energy to actually work on and overcome the problems instead of spinning on the spot and resisting them.
By not fully embracing our problems we can set ourselves up to fail with our own happiness, believing I’ll be happy when “my life is better”. This of course takes away our ability and power to embrace internal happiness in the moment and creates a lifelong cycle of trying to “get someplace” just to be happy.
Every single level of life that we live has different problems, we don’t get to progress to the next level until we solve and resolve that problem, not with more money or more time (just another problem that we believe to be true), but through THINKING DIFFERENTLY.
Sometimes we are so fixated with the symptom of the problem, that we don’t even see what the real problem is, for example emotional eating and putting on weight, is a SYMPTOM, not the problem.
The problem is perhaps not loving our self or perhaps feeling fearful in our relationships, or perhaps not wanting to acknowledge and articulate our true feelings, so we stuff them down with food in an attempt to FEEL better in the moment. All the while perpetuating the issue, because we believe that when “I’m thinner, lost weight” then people will like me/love me AND THEN I WILL BE HAPPY.
We get so fixated on trying to solve our own problems with a QUICK FIX or MAGIC BULLET to get out of immediate pain or discomfort, that we lose sight of the real reason that we have problems… And that is to USE OUR CREATIVITY to grow, to become more, to evolve our thinking, our life and therefore our ability to also help others.
We become internally focused on trying to feel happier in the moment to escape the so called pain and problems in our life, and will do anything to do so, including escapism, procrastinating, distraction through facebook, shopping, smoking, alcohol and emotional eating. This only perpetuates and continues the problem!
We are in a state of protection constantly trying to stay comfortable and out of pain or discomfort. The surface symptoms arise as the deeper issue is not even considered.
Asking quality questions such as,” What does it take, to grow my life to the next level?” will certainly help us embrace a different level of thinking and problem solving.
When we immerse ourselves with others who are a step ahead of us, we then know where we need to stretch to, with our thinking and then our actions in order to gain more wealth, health, better relationships and overcome the current problems etc.
Remembering that this new level will ALSO come with a new set of problems to deal with!
The sooner we can embrace our problems, knowing that they WILL arise, because it IS part of the HUMAN EXPERIENCE.
To make massive progress in our lives, we need to understand what our core problem is at the current level we are at.
What are we not seeing?
What needs to change or be understood to take us to the next level?
What is the new thinking that will assist us to outgrow and overcome that problem and take us to the next level?
This in essence is ascension. Ascending beyond the current problem and living life at a new level. Life and evolution call this from us in every moment. If we are not growing and evolving, we are dying… Maybe not physically, but certainly spiritually. We settle for a life of mediocrity, losing passion, zest and excitement for life. We only have to look to nature to see what happens if we are not growing, adapting and evolving.
When we spend so much wasted energy in avoiding the problem, distracting ourself from the problem, whinging about the problem, resisting the problem, we don’t get to solve the problem to evolve to the next level. We create so many NEW PROBLEMS from not dealing with the initial problem that we are suddenly faced with so much overwhelm that we then distract and avoid even more! As you can see it creates an avalanche of issues!
Check out Tony's video below, Life happens for us, not to us......
Know that every area of life has levels and every level has a price to pay, in a problem that needs to be out grown and overcome to progress to the next level. It is true in health, in love, in business, in energy, in money, in relationships and all other areas. Success leaves clues and there are always rules of the game to be followed.
Figure out what the rules are for you, listen to your inner guidance and whisperings of your soul. Adhere to them and keep progressing. Focus on what is most important, DECIDE to face your fears and obstacles head on. Create time to think and ask yourself meaningful questions.
If this were no longer an issue, how would you be living life?
What would somebody who has already overcome this be doing?
What would their habits be?
Your answers will always be found in the next step, or the next level, above where you are currently are at. When you have clarity on what that next step or level is for you, then you will know the next step for you to take now.
FOCUS on what you want to CREATE and be and do and HAVE.
It is POSSIBLE.
Dare to DREAM.
Make the little MOMENTS COUNT the MOST!
EMBRACE your PROBLEMS, they are your greatest GIFTS to GROW and take you BEYOND where you ever thought was possible!
If you are 100% ready, committed and willing to take your LIFE to the NEXT LEVEL in 2017, I can’t wait to share my Create a life you Love course with you! – Coming soon!
|Posted on December 27, 2016 at 2:45 PM||comments (28)|
Dare to dream bigger and louder and brighter than ever before. Behold what could be possible for you by broadening your horizons and limits so large that there are no boundaries as to what is possible for you.
It breaks my heart to see people shut down, to droop their heads and drop their eyes, clearly powerlessness and fear has overcome them. They have allowed the momentary obstacles to halt them, or persuade them that it’s all too hard and what’s the point anyway. They have lost their way and become engulfed in the whirlwind of life and enslaved to mediocrity and a life of security and comfortability.
However there is a choice, a HUGE choice in this moment, it’s to decide that the temporary setbacks are NOT permanent!
That’s it, that’s all it is….. A decision in that moment to continue to keep trudging forward, small step by small step. To unleash the calling in you and the drive in you to continue, no matter how difficult or how arduous the task.
Knowing your “WHY” helps us tap into greater resources within ourselves, however I also believe that it’s the STANDARDS that we set for ourselves that greatly determines how far we will take it. We all have thresholds and the biggest difference between someone who is super successful in a particular area, or who is not, is simply because of the STANDARD they chose for themselves in what is acceptable to them or not.
When we hit our lowest threshold and standard of living in any area, whether that is with our weight, our finances our relationships, it suddenly becomes an impactful moment in which YOU decide this MUST CHANGE. You are no longer willing to spend another day or even another minute like this, something HAS to change then, boom, we suddenly FIND the energy, FIND the resources, FIND whatever it is that we need to create the changes.
The problem is that often we allow our FEAR of hitting ROCK BOTTOM to drive us and push us, which feels super uncomfortable. Instead of having absolute CLARITY on where you are going and why you want it. Those dreams will pull you with a magnetic , enthusiasm that makes you want to wake up early, and feel excited about the day!
When we are driven by FEAR and "need to" and "have to", it is exhausting and tiring. There is so much energetic resistance that we create through being driven that way. Not to mention how hard it is to attempt to wake up feeling excited about the day, when you have a bunch of "have tos" and "shoulds" on your list!
I truly believe that people are conditioned to stop dreaming, unless you are either a.) super fortunate to have amazing, inspiring and supportive people around you, or b.) have consciously chosen to surround yourself with these people, then slowly overtime we dull our dreams and desires, giving into the naysayers, the fears and the people that are uncomfortable with your success, because it highlights to them what they are not fully embracing for themselves.
So often we succumb to the thought that it’s too hard. Or we don’t know how, so we don’t even try. Of course these are all protection mechanisms of the survival mind and Ego. Designed to keep us safe, to not extend too far beyond our “tribe.” To protect us from the fear of failure or fear of success, so that we will still fit in and belong and so that we are still accepted by those around us.
To fully embrace your DREAMS means facing your FEARS and the greatest satisfaction that comes from doing so, is not achieving your goals and dreams, but WHO you become in the PROCESS!
It really is true, I have to honestly say, my proudest moments are when I am stepping up, and stepping through and beyond my fear. The level of exhilaration that I feel when I follow through with what I feel called to do, despite my fear is one of the best feelings that life has to offer. To know that I am living my truth and following my heart is pure magic to me.
Who are you, deep in your heart?
What is it that you were born to do, create and be?
Why is it important that you do this?
What’s held you back from stepping up?
Why is that a complete fallacy?
What could you do today to get started?
Just one small action is all it takes to create the wave of momentum. As the metaphor goes, it’s like trying to move a boulder. It takes a bit to get started, but once you have it’s hard to stop it.
Success breeds success. The more you show up for yourself and your dreams the more you will build, create and reinforce the self-belief, confidence and extend what is possible for you. It reinforces the belief that you can and are finding a way. But best of all, the feeling that you get from aligning your heart and soul with your actions is one of pure joy and happiness.
Dare to Dream, dare to fail, dare to succeed…..
Don’t waste another second in doubt, in fear, in second guessing yourself. DECIDE to step up and follow your heart. DECIDE to inspire those around you. DECIDE to dream audaciously, massive big goals and dreams, knowing that the only time that you can ever truly fail, is when you give up and walk away completely…….
Check out this amazing lady who followed her dream to swim the English Channel.
If Diana Nyad can swim 100 miles at age 64, what might be possible for you?
What is the ONE thing that you have wanted to create, do or be for the longest time that you have not given yourself permission to receive or create yet?
Why is this important to you?
What or who else would this impact?
What else would it give you or others?
What are the consequences if you don’t follow through?
Imagine it’s now 12 months from now. It’s December 2017….. You’ve poured your heart and soul into this, taken massive action and got your result. How do you feel?
If you are ready to take action on creating something magnificent for 2017, you are ready to DARE TO DREAM BIG, then I can’t wait to share my ‘Create a life you Love” course, it’s coming soon and it’s exactly what you need to follow through, create your dreams and follow your heart! More details soon! xox
|Posted on April 24, 2015 at 10:35 PM||comments (38)|
How would you like to feel energised and excited at the end of each day, instead of exhausted, tired and drained?
Feeling obligated to do things can be a common occurrence and a general theme that a lot of people can tend to feel most days. This can come from doing what we believe that “we need to do”, to be the type of person that “we believe we should be”. For example keeping a clean house and taking care of the kids to be “a great wife and mother”. When we feel obligated we can sometimes feel like there’s no choice. We can feel that we “have” to and that we “need” to and that we “should”. We can feel pressured and weighed down by what we think we “should” get done in a day.
Obligation is such an energy drain! I know for me if I feel obligated to do something, it really doesn’t feel very good or produce an energising and uplifting state. It can also make me feel quite resistant to doing what would be important for me to do. At times it can almost feel as if I’m rebelling against myself to not do it! And then it becomes a fight in my mind and an inner conflict is created that I “should” do it, but I don’t “want” to do it! This can also then lead to a feeling of guilt, anger and resentment at having to do something that I “should” do, because it feels like I don’t have a choice.
The amount of positive energy that this type of feeling sucks from us every day is very detrimental to our own health and wellbeing. If we are only typically given so many “units” of energy each day and more than 50 % are being spent on trying to get the energy to “do the things we should do, that we are feel obligated to do” then that is not a very productive way to spend our time or our energy.
What do you feel obligated to do each day? Is it things like washing the dishes, keeping the house tidy, looking after the kids and taking them places or to their sporting events? Do you feel obligated to go to work and to do what needs to be done there? How do you feel at the end of each day? Do you feel invigorated and excited to do it all again tomorrow? I’m guessing probably not……
The best way that I have found for myself personally, in overcoming the feeling of obligation is through changing my perception using Gratitude and incorporating a feeling of fun, celebration and success in everything that I do. Being able to tap into these resourceful states every day also requires a level of consistency in taking care of ourselves through proper nutrition and hydration, healthy amounts of exercise and doing things daily that fulfil us and help us feel whole and centred and living a life based on Self Love. (This might be things like incorporating yoga, meditation, listening to music, being creative, journaling, gratitude diaries etc.)
Asking myself focused questions such as “What can I be grateful for whilst I do this?” or “What’s my highest outcome?” or “What could I do that would make this feel more fun?” can help me focus on changing my perception around any given task. For example when I’m washing the dishes, which at times can feel like thankless and irritating job, that has to be done, can become 10 minutes of focused gratitude, feeling grateful for the food that my family and I just ate, the fact that we had bowls and plates and cutlery to eat with, a table to eat at, a sink to use, hot running water, a fridge to store our food in, online grocery delivery to make it easier and to utilise my time better, our house, the fact that I have a beautiful family to cook for and prepare food for, that my children are healthy and happy and love to eat healthy food, that I am healthy and well and have enough energy for washing the dishes, that I have both of my hands and my arms and my legs!! And this is just to name a few things! At the end of washing the dishes I feel energised, excited about life and have a feeling of peacefulness and happiness that money cannot buy!
Or perhaps another example is when I’m driving my children to sporting events or appointments, instead of feeling like I have to rush to get there and focusing on the mental list of things to do in my head when I get home again, I ask myself the question of “What is my highest outcome?” For me personally my highest outcome is to help my children feel loved, appreciated and understood. So instead I would then use the time in the car much more effectively as a time to connect with them, asking them about their day, sharing a joke, a song or a happy moment together. This helps us all feel great, relaxed, calm and brings in more positive energy again.
Another example of changing the feeling of obligation into something that feels like fun is asking myself “What could I do that would make this feel more fun?” Sometimes that might be putting on some music and listening to it and dancing whilst I do the vacuuming or mowing the lawns!
There are so many ways we can change our perception on any task, from one of obligation, frustration and anger into feeling grateful, happy and energised! Even times when you may feel overwhelmed or a sense of pressure in getting things done, can be moments quickly turned into mini-celebrations. Doing a quick happy dance, a high five, or a fist pump with a “Yes”, can all be ways to celebrate getting through the smaller tasks in our day. The more we celebrate, the more we feel successful and the more it energises us and improves our productivity no end!
Our time here on earth is so precious, and the way we are spending our time is impacted completely by how we feel every day. There are so many things in a day that we can feel obligated about or we can choose to make every day, a day filled with fun, happiness and celebration! It’s really a choice of what we choose to focus on.
|Posted on March 20, 2015 at 3:45 PM||comments (4)|
For me personally I believe that Happiness is an emotional state of being, not an end goal. In the past I had attached my happiness to external future circumstances, saying things in my mind like “I’ll be happy when I get a partner” or I’’ll be happy when I finally finish this project” or “I’ll be happy when I go on holidays” The biggest problem I found with that type of thinking was that I never got to experience true happiness and if I did, it was only for a fleeting moment until I moved the goal posts again! This left me feeling depleted, exhausted and overwhelmed. It didn’t allow me to have the energy that I needed to enjoy life and I found myself constantly focused in the future, instead of embracing and enjoying what was right in front of me at that present time. I believe that Happiness comes from within, rather than from some external source. When I am living my life in a state of constant gratitude and appreciation for everything in my life and being truly present and consciously awake and aware in each moment is when I feel pure peace and bliss.
I am able to remain in a joyous and happy state of mind through letting go of my expectations and attachments to needing things, life or myself or others to be a certain way and by loving reality as it is. I found that every time that I had the thought “This should be different” or “I shouldn’t have said/done that” or “They should have done………” it caused me angst, resentment, frustration, anger, sadness, guilt and lots of other unpleasant emotions. Falling in love with “What Is” through questioning our thoughts (www.thework.com) is one of the best ways to experience peace, calm and pure joy! (Whenever we fight reality it causes suffering)
Anytime I am being; Loving, Accepting, Blessing, Joyous and Grateful about anything, brings me the greatest joy imaginable. Sometimes we may get caught up in the doing and forget that it is who we are being whilst we are doing whatever it is that we are doing, that brings us the most happiness. Have you ever been totally smitten and fallen in love with a new born baby that you were holding for the first time? Their total innocence and angelic nature has you totally focused with awe, love and appreciation? We think that it is the baby that is making us feel so wonderful, but it is actually that we are being so Loving and Grateful and Joyous in that moment that, makes it feel that the doing ie; holding the baby is what makes us feel so happy. Through being self-aware of who we are being at any given time gives us complete responsibility for our own happiness.
From this place I am totally responsible and in control of my own happiness. It is always available to me regardless of what is happening in my life.
The best part about life is that we have freedom of choice. We get to make choices and create our own meaning on anything that we experience in life.
Some may see a great challenge or a blessing in a particular event, others may see it as the worst thing that ever happened to them and use it as a reason why their life is so horrible for years afterwards, recreating and living that event over and over in their mind many times, not stopping to realise that they have a choice to change the meaning of that event and how they feel about it and therefore creating a new life by changing their thoughts and therefore their feelings and their total experience of life.
I'd love to help you make 2015 one of the Happiest years of your life! Please message me if there's an area of your life that you'd like to experience more Happiness, Success and Fulfilment in. Let's rock 2015!
|Posted on November 14, 2014 at 11:55 AM||comments (39)|
What do you think of when you hear the word "Success"? I believe that we possibly are inclined to associate it with words like goals and achievements. To me this can tend to feel very ego and power driven. I’m not saying that it’s not good to have goals and work towards achievements and be focused in the way that you are living your life from a very clear intention and focus. However at times, if that is all that we are focused on then I believe that it can tend to make it feel hard to feel successful if we are not ticking all of the boxes so to speak. Even though we may have done our very best and still achieved a lot.
What rules do you have that define your own measure of Success?
Is it easy for you to feel successful or do you base your worth on how much you get done, or whether or not other people comment, or validate your efforts?
Do you wake up every day feeling successful because you are alive and breathing? Or do you have to wait to the end of the day, after all the boxes are ticked and everyone is happy and everything is neat and in order, before you allow yourself the feeling of success? I can totally relate to the latter. I used to do this to myself a lot of the time, the rules I had for myself to be able to feel successful were so hard that I rarely allowed myself to feel successful. This created so much anger and frustration inside of myself, because even though, I appeared to be “doing” all the right things and working harder and I was more focused than ever before, I didn’t allow myself to celebrate all the little things on the way. I had a “when …………….. (such and such happens) then I’ll be successful” mentality. I had completely forgotten to celebrate life and who I was becoming in every new moment along the way, forgotten to celebrate every time I made a new decision, found a new awareness, or just embraced my beingness.
Stopping to Celebrate
Pausing and reflecting I find are one of the most magnificent ways to bring us back to the present moment, to find peace and gratitude for life and for others, our experiences and ourselves. It gives us an opportunity to celebrate all the joy and wonderful things in every moment.
I feel that sometimes we can lose our self in all the “busyness” of obtaining goals. And the funniest thing is that really at the end of the day, the only real reason that we want the goal or the achievement is because of the feeling that we believe that it will give us. When I weigh …….kgs, then I’ll love my body and feel healthy, when I earn …….$$$ then I’ll feel financially secure, when I own my own home then I’ll feel like I’m on my way to being successful, when I find my partner, then I’ll feel complete……
Of course none of this is really true. Achieving those things, or having those things may enhance those feelings, but all of those feelings are found from within, in WHO we are BEING, rather than from what we are DOING.
This was possibly the biggest realisation for me that I’ve ever had! Because when I realised that my own happiness, fulfilment, peace, joy and love came from within me, in WHO I was choosing to be in each moment, then my doing, just became an outward demonstration of this, which was not linked or tied to any specific action or goal. I found anytime that I felt loving, grateful, blessing, accepting and joyous, then life and “doing things” became a whole lot easier, because of the energy and the way that I was doing these things from.
Previously I had been “doing a whole lot” coming from a place of “I needed to get it all done, so that I could finally be enough, feel successful, have a rest” etc. etc. Which left me in a state of lack, exhaustion, tiredness, anger and resentment.
Now it comes from a place of abundance in feeling so joyous and excited by life, because of WHO I am choosing to be and what I chose to focus my attention on, that “doing a whole lot” now feels easy, because of the energy of joy and gratitude behind it. I could still sit on my couch and feel successful, loving and very happy, as much as I would by ticking off everything or one thing from my lists! My feeling of self-worth is no longer tied to external sources of validation.
What does Success mean to you?
How do you define success in your own life? What needs to happen, or who do you need to be to feel successful? Being successful is a STATE of MIND, not an end goal. Therefore to feel successful, you could even just think of a time in the past that you have done something, or acted in a way that you are proud of. In that moment you will “feel successful”.
When we are able to make it as easy as possible to feel great, this is a wonderful resource for us, as we then tend to link those feelings to our identity. We start to use words like “I am loving”, “I am successful”. When we start to link it to our identity as already feeling and BEING that, then it reinforces the belief that we are already that way, and therefore our actions really will be a reflection of who we believe that we are. xx
“Watch your thoughts; they become your words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” Lao Tzu