|Posted on January 2, 2017 at 12:10 AM||comments (85)|
We all get scared…..
Have you set some big goals and dreams for 2017?
If not, why not? Just kidding…. Well sorta….
Clarity is king, I believe that if we are not clear on where we are going, then we really will end up anywhere and wonder what the hell happened in 5 to 10 years from now!
Creating super clear and specific goals that you KNOW when you have hit the target is a total requirement for creating a life that you love and for achieving your greatest goals, dreams and ambitions.
However I also want to raise another topic that often arises when setting goals.
Fear….. And the greater the goal and the more it means to you, the more FEAR will show up!
Overcoming this through understanding how our mind works is one of the greatest gifts that we can give ourselves as it will remind us that a.) We are human, b.) We will survive, even if we ignore this fear and c.) We can create and achieve our greatest desires by CHOOSING to move beyond this FEAR.
It is our very natural and normal survival (limbic brain) mind that arises to tell us that we are stepping outside our comfort zone. People suffer from the fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection etc.
Our deepest fear is that we are not enough and therefore we won’t be loved. It is literally hardwired into us as babies and anytime we feel that we are moving outside of our normal comfort zone, this fear will arise. It comes from our need to fit in and belong, that elicits this fear, and the threat of being criticised, judged or worse still rejected by our “tribe” is massive.
My own biggest discovery with this fear surfaced when I was initially building my Kinesiology business. At the time I gave it the power to literally immobilise and paralyse me at times. Thank goodness I chose to move ahead anyway, because my dream and longing to help people and make a difference was what drove me to overcome it. Not only that, but it personally took so much emotional, mental and physical effort to move beyond it to build my business, that I was CERTAIN that I had cleared this fear FOREVER!
NOT SO….. I was to learn over and over again, every single time that I stepped outside my comfort zone and went to up level my life in some way, shape or form, there it was - guaranteed….. staring me in my face or tightening my stomach and creating waves of anxiety, I should say!
FEAR is one of our greatest gifts, essentially it is here to help us survive, it tells us not to step off the curb if a car is coming, or to jump off the cliff, it wants to keep you safe! However it is also pointing you to the EXACT area in life that you NEED to GROW the most!
We are built to grow and evolve every day, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and if we are not we will feel stuck, bogged down and exhausted and drained by life. When we are living in a state of constantly trying to supress our dreams and desires because we don’t want to get outside our comfort zone, we settle for a life of mediocrity and boredom.
YOU were BORN to FLY!
YOU were BORN to be ALL that you CAN BE!
YOU are a GIFT to this WORLD and if you are succumbing to your personal fears and not sharing your gifts, your talents, your uniqueness in the world, then people are missing out. YOU are missing out on the joy of CREATING your WORLD and living your full potential.
BUT most people won’t, because they will be settling for a life of COMFORTABILITY, SECURITY and EASE. And that’s ok, if that’s what they TRULY, DEEPLY WANT.
But I’m guessing it’s not….
The BIGGEST reason I know this, is that EVERY TIME I step up and outside of my comfort zone, I feel EXHILIRATED! I feel ALIVE and I feel PASSIONATE and PURPOSEFUL and I’m guessing that you do too.
It adds MEANING to my LIFE.
What I’m about to say next, might sound odd, however I feel the need to share with you, that I am actually an Introvert. It is not normal or natural for me to stand in front of large groups of people and talk. However every time I do so, I get excited, because every time I EXTEND myself and DECIDE to get UNCOMFORTABLE, I know I am GROWING and it fuels my self-belief and confidence EVERY SINGLE TIME.
But not only that, I’m showing up for me and for others and that feels AMAZING. To know in this moment that I have conquered my FEAR.
Even writing this blog, I had to move beyond my fear, “what will they think?” “who am I to speak up and speak out?”
These are all so natural and normal and are experienced by so many people.
What gifts are you holding back on?
What talents are you yet to share with the world?
What do you desire deeply and yet never given yourself full permission to go after that goal?
What would drive you and excite you?
Allow your deepest desires and wishes to pull you towards them, focus on WHY it’s important that you achieve this or do this. It will always help in moving past your fears.
I’d love to hear your personal stories in overcoming your past fears and perhaps what is stopping you now?
Embrace your FREEDOM, it is yours to DECIDE to embrace it, or ALLOW fear to shackle you and imprison you.
DECIDE TO SET YOURSELF FREE!
Check out this video in Overcoming Fear by Brendan Burchard.
Remember it’s never one BIG decision, it’s the little moments that count the most!
Love Sal xox
Ps. We all have fears and limitations – both conscious and unconscious… I’m super excited about sharing my “Create a life you Love” Program with you soon. It’s kicking off on the 13th of January!
|Posted on December 28, 2016 at 4:55 PM||comments (629)|
Often in life there can be a tendency to want to escape our problems and we can have the belief that life will be better once we get more money, find the right relationship, have more time, or overcome this particular issue etc.
The only problem that arises with this level of thinking is that we are never really solving the core problems to progress to the next level of life. It keeps us stuck.
All people have problems. I’ll repeat that again…. ALL people have problems.
Albeit, very different problems, however no matter what stage of life and success we are at, if we are alive, then we will have problems that arise out of daily living and being human. We can waste SO much time and energy on resisting and despising the fact that we have problems.
The sooner that we can embrace our problems and utilise them, not only opportunities, but also as a platform to improve our life and evolve our soul as well as guidance that perhaps is indicating where we need to grow the most, it will free up a stack of energy to actually work on and overcome the problems instead of spinning on the spot and resisting them.
By not fully embracing our problems we can set ourselves up to fail with our own happiness, believing I’ll be happy when “my life is better”. This of course takes away our ability and power to embrace internal happiness in the moment and creates a lifelong cycle of trying to “get someplace” just to be happy.
Every single level of life that we live has different problems, we don’t get to progress to the next level until we solve and resolve that problem, not with more money or more time (just another problem that we believe to be true), but through THINKING DIFFERENTLY.
Sometimes we are so fixated with the symptom of the problem, that we don’t even see what the real problem is, for example emotional eating and putting on weight, is a SYMPTOM, not the problem.
The problem is perhaps not loving our self or perhaps feeling fearful in our relationships, or perhaps not wanting to acknowledge and articulate our true feelings, so we stuff them down with food in an attempt to FEEL better in the moment. All the while perpetuating the issue, because we believe that when “I’m thinner, lost weight” then people will like me/love me AND THEN I WILL BE HAPPY.
We get so fixated on trying to solve our own problems with a QUICK FIX or MAGIC BULLET to get out of immediate pain or discomfort, that we lose sight of the real reason that we have problems… And that is to USE OUR CREATIVITY to grow, to become more, to evolve our thinking, our life and therefore our ability to also help others.
We become internally focused on trying to feel happier in the moment to escape the so called pain and problems in our life, and will do anything to do so, including escapism, procrastinating, distraction through facebook, shopping, smoking, alcohol and emotional eating. This only perpetuates and continues the problem!
We are in a state of protection constantly trying to stay comfortable and out of pain or discomfort. The surface symptoms arise as the deeper issue is not even considered.
Asking quality questions such as,” What does it take, to grow my life to the next level?” will certainly help us embrace a different level of thinking and problem solving.
When we immerse ourselves with others who are a step ahead of us, we then know where we need to stretch to, with our thinking and then our actions in order to gain more wealth, health, better relationships and overcome the current problems etc.
Remembering that this new level will ALSO come with a new set of problems to deal with!
The sooner we can embrace our problems, knowing that they WILL arise, because it IS part of the HUMAN EXPERIENCE.
To make massive progress in our lives, we need to understand what our core problem is at the current level we are at.
What are we not seeing?
What needs to change or be understood to take us to the next level?
What is the new thinking that will assist us to outgrow and overcome that problem and take us to the next level?
This in essence is ascension. Ascending beyond the current problem and living life at a new level. Life and evolution call this from us in every moment. If we are not growing and evolving, we are dying… Maybe not physically, but certainly spiritually. We settle for a life of mediocrity, losing passion, zest and excitement for life. We only have to look to nature to see what happens if we are not growing, adapting and evolving.
When we spend so much wasted energy in avoiding the problem, distracting ourself from the problem, whinging about the problem, resisting the problem, we don’t get to solve the problem to evolve to the next level. We create so many NEW PROBLEMS from not dealing with the initial problem that we are suddenly faced with so much overwhelm that we then distract and avoid even more! As you can see it creates an avalanche of issues!
Check out Tony's video below, Life happens for us, not to us......
Know that every area of life has levels and every level has a price to pay, in a problem that needs to be out grown and overcome to progress to the next level. It is true in health, in love, in business, in energy, in money, in relationships and all other areas. Success leaves clues and there are always rules of the game to be followed.
Figure out what the rules are for you, listen to your inner guidance and whisperings of your soul. Adhere to them and keep progressing. Focus on what is most important, DECIDE to face your fears and obstacles head on. Create time to think and ask yourself meaningful questions.
If this were no longer an issue, how would you be living life?
What would somebody who has already overcome this be doing?
What would their habits be?
Your answers will always be found in the next step, or the next level, above where you are currently are at. When you have clarity on what that next step or level is for you, then you will know the next step for you to take now.
FOCUS on what you want to CREATE and be and do and HAVE.
It is POSSIBLE.
Dare to DREAM.
Make the little MOMENTS COUNT the MOST!
EMBRACE your PROBLEMS, they are your greatest GIFTS to GROW and take you BEYOND where you ever thought was possible!
If you are 100% ready, committed and willing to take your LIFE to the NEXT LEVEL in 2017, I can’t wait to share my Create a life you Love course with you! – Coming soon!
|Posted on December 27, 2016 at 2:45 PM||comments (664)|
Dare to dream bigger and louder and brighter than ever before. Behold what could be possible for you by broadening your horizons and limits so large that there are no boundaries as to what is possible for you.
It breaks my heart to see people shut down, to droop their heads and drop their eyes, clearly powerlessness and fear has overcome them. They have allowed the momentary obstacles to halt them, or persuade them that it’s all too hard and what’s the point anyway. They have lost their way and become engulfed in the whirlwind of life and enslaved to mediocrity and a life of security and comfortability.
However there is a choice, a HUGE choice in this moment, it’s to decide that the temporary setbacks are NOT permanent!
That’s it, that’s all it is….. A decision in that moment to continue to keep trudging forward, small step by small step. To unleash the calling in you and the drive in you to continue, no matter how difficult or how arduous the task.
Knowing your “WHY” helps us tap into greater resources within ourselves, however I also believe that it’s the STANDARDS that we set for ourselves that greatly determines how far we will take it. We all have thresholds and the biggest difference between someone who is super successful in a particular area, or who is not, is simply because of the STANDARD they chose for themselves in what is acceptable to them or not.
When we hit our lowest threshold and standard of living in any area, whether that is with our weight, our finances our relationships, it suddenly becomes an impactful moment in which YOU decide this MUST CHANGE. You are no longer willing to spend another day or even another minute like this, something HAS to change then, boom, we suddenly FIND the energy, FIND the resources, FIND whatever it is that we need to create the changes.
The problem is that often we allow our FEAR of hitting ROCK BOTTOM to drive us and push us, which feels super uncomfortable. Instead of having absolute CLARITY on where you are going and why you want it. Those dreams will pull you with a magnetic , enthusiasm that makes you want to wake up early, and feel excited about the day!
When we are driven by FEAR and "need to" and "have to", it is exhausting and tiring. There is so much energetic resistance that we create through being driven that way. Not to mention how hard it is to attempt to wake up feeling excited about the day, when you have a bunch of "have tos" and "shoulds" on your list!
I truly believe that people are conditioned to stop dreaming, unless you are either a.) super fortunate to have amazing, inspiring and supportive people around you, or b.) have consciously chosen to surround yourself with these people, then slowly overtime we dull our dreams and desires, giving into the naysayers, the fears and the people that are uncomfortable with your success, because it highlights to them what they are not fully embracing for themselves.
So often we succumb to the thought that it’s too hard. Or we don’t know how, so we don’t even try. Of course these are all protection mechanisms of the survival mind and Ego. Designed to keep us safe, to not extend too far beyond our “tribe.” To protect us from the fear of failure or fear of success, so that we will still fit in and belong and so that we are still accepted by those around us.
To fully embrace your DREAMS means facing your FEARS and the greatest satisfaction that comes from doing so, is not achieving your goals and dreams, but WHO you become in the PROCESS!
It really is true, I have to honestly say, my proudest moments are when I am stepping up, and stepping through and beyond my fear. The level of exhilaration that I feel when I follow through with what I feel called to do, despite my fear is one of the best feelings that life has to offer. To know that I am living my truth and following my heart is pure magic to me.
Who are you, deep in your heart?
What is it that you were born to do, create and be?
Why is it important that you do this?
What’s held you back from stepping up?
Why is that a complete fallacy?
What could you do today to get started?
Just one small action is all it takes to create the wave of momentum. As the metaphor goes, it’s like trying to move a boulder. It takes a bit to get started, but once you have it’s hard to stop it.
Success breeds success. The more you show up for yourself and your dreams the more you will build, create and reinforce the self-belief, confidence and extend what is possible for you. It reinforces the belief that you can and are finding a way. But best of all, the feeling that you get from aligning your heart and soul with your actions is one of pure joy and happiness.
Dare to Dream, dare to fail, dare to succeed…..
Don’t waste another second in doubt, in fear, in second guessing yourself. DECIDE to step up and follow your heart. DECIDE to inspire those around you. DECIDE to dream audaciously, massive big goals and dreams, knowing that the only time that you can ever truly fail, is when you give up and walk away completely…….
Check out this amazing lady who followed her dream to swim the English Channel.
If Diana Nyad can swim 100 miles at age 64, what might be possible for you?
What is the ONE thing that you have wanted to create, do or be for the longest time that you have not given yourself permission to receive or create yet?
Why is this important to you?
What or who else would this impact?
What else would it give you or others?
What are the consequences if you don’t follow through?
Imagine it’s now 12 months from now. It’s December 2017….. You’ve poured your heart and soul into this, taken massive action and got your result. How do you feel?
If you are ready to take action on creating something magnificent for 2017, you are ready to DARE TO DREAM BIG, then I can’t wait to share my ‘Create a life you Love” course, it’s coming soon and it’s exactly what you need to follow through, create your dreams and follow your heart! More details soon! xox
|Posted on April 24, 2015 at 10:35 PM||comments (657)|
How would you like to feel energised and excited at the end of each day, instead of exhausted, tired and drained?
Feeling obligated to do things can be a common occurrence and a general theme that a lot of people can tend to feel most days. This can come from doing what we believe that “we need to do”, to be the type of person that “we believe we should be”. For example keeping a clean house and taking care of the kids to be “a great wife and mother”. When we feel obligated we can sometimes feel like there’s no choice. We can feel that we “have” to and that we “need” to and that we “should”. We can feel pressured and weighed down by what we think we “should” get done in a day.
Obligation is such an energy drain! I know for me if I feel obligated to do something, it really doesn’t feel very good or produce an energising and uplifting state. It can also make me feel quite resistant to doing what would be important for me to do. At times it can almost feel as if I’m rebelling against myself to not do it! And then it becomes a fight in my mind and an inner conflict is created that I “should” do it, but I don’t “want” to do it! This can also then lead to a feeling of guilt, anger and resentment at having to do something that I “should” do, because it feels like I don’t have a choice.
The amount of positive energy that this type of feeling sucks from us every day is very detrimental to our own health and wellbeing. If we are only typically given so many “units” of energy each day and more than 50 % are being spent on trying to get the energy to “do the things we should do, that we are feel obligated to do” then that is not a very productive way to spend our time or our energy.
What do you feel obligated to do each day? Is it things like washing the dishes, keeping the house tidy, looking after the kids and taking them places or to their sporting events? Do you feel obligated to go to work and to do what needs to be done there? How do you feel at the end of each day? Do you feel invigorated and excited to do it all again tomorrow? I’m guessing probably not……
The best way that I have found for myself personally, in overcoming the feeling of obligation is through changing my perception using Gratitude and incorporating a feeling of fun, celebration and success in everything that I do. Being able to tap into these resourceful states every day also requires a level of consistency in taking care of ourselves through proper nutrition and hydration, healthy amounts of exercise and doing things daily that fulfil us and help us feel whole and centred and living a life based on Self Love. (This might be things like incorporating yoga, meditation, listening to music, being creative, journaling, gratitude diaries etc.)
Asking myself focused questions such as “What can I be grateful for whilst I do this?” or “What’s my highest outcome?” or “What could I do that would make this feel more fun?” can help me focus on changing my perception around any given task. For example when I’m washing the dishes, which at times can feel like thankless and irritating job, that has to be done, can become 10 minutes of focused gratitude, feeling grateful for the food that my family and I just ate, the fact that we had bowls and plates and cutlery to eat with, a table to eat at, a sink to use, hot running water, a fridge to store our food in, online grocery delivery to make it easier and to utilise my time better, our house, the fact that I have a beautiful family to cook for and prepare food for, that my children are healthy and happy and love to eat healthy food, that I am healthy and well and have enough energy for washing the dishes, that I have both of my hands and my arms and my legs!! And this is just to name a few things! At the end of washing the dishes I feel energised, excited about life and have a feeling of peacefulness and happiness that money cannot buy!
Or perhaps another example is when I’m driving my children to sporting events or appointments, instead of feeling like I have to rush to get there and focusing on the mental list of things to do in my head when I get home again, I ask myself the question of “What is my highest outcome?” For me personally my highest outcome is to help my children feel loved, appreciated and understood. So instead I would then use the time in the car much more effectively as a time to connect with them, asking them about their day, sharing a joke, a song or a happy moment together. This helps us all feel great, relaxed, calm and brings in more positive energy again.
Another example of changing the feeling of obligation into something that feels like fun is asking myself “What could I do that would make this feel more fun?” Sometimes that might be putting on some music and listening to it and dancing whilst I do the vacuuming or mowing the lawns!
There are so many ways we can change our perception on any task, from one of obligation, frustration and anger into feeling grateful, happy and energised! Even times when you may feel overwhelmed or a sense of pressure in getting things done, can be moments quickly turned into mini-celebrations. Doing a quick happy dance, a high five, or a fist pump with a “Yes”, can all be ways to celebrate getting through the smaller tasks in our day. The more we celebrate, the more we feel successful and the more it energises us and improves our productivity no end!
Our time here on earth is so precious, and the way we are spending our time is impacted completely by how we feel every day. There are so many things in a day that we can feel obligated about or we can choose to make every day, a day filled with fun, happiness and celebration! It’s really a choice of what we choose to focus on.
|Posted on March 20, 2015 at 3:45 PM||comments (751)|
For me personally I believe that Happiness is an emotional state of being, not an end goal. In the past I had attached my happiness to external future circumstances, saying things in my mind like “I’ll be happy when I get a partner” or I’’ll be happy when I finally finish this project” or “I’ll be happy when I go on holidays” The biggest problem I found with that type of thinking was that I never got to experience true happiness and if I did, it was only for a fleeting moment until I moved the goal posts again! This left me feeling depleted, exhausted and overwhelmed. It didn’t allow me to have the energy that I needed to enjoy life and I found myself constantly focused in the future, instead of embracing and enjoying what was right in front of me at that present time. I believe that Happiness comes from within, rather than from some external source. When I am living my life in a state of constant gratitude and appreciation for everything in my life and being truly present and consciously awake and aware in each moment is when I feel pure peace and bliss.
I am able to remain in a joyous and happy state of mind through letting go of my expectations and attachments to needing things, life or myself or others to be a certain way and by loving reality as it is. I found that every time that I had the thought “This should be different” or “I shouldn’t have said/done that” or “They should have done………” it caused me angst, resentment, frustration, anger, sadness, guilt and lots of other unpleasant emotions. Falling in love with “What Is” through questioning our thoughts (www.thework.com) is one of the best ways to experience peace, calm and pure joy! (Whenever we fight reality it causes suffering)
Anytime I am being; Loving, Accepting, Blessing, Joyous and Grateful about anything, brings me the greatest joy imaginable. Sometimes we may get caught up in the doing and forget that it is who we are being whilst we are doing whatever it is that we are doing, that brings us the most happiness. Have you ever been totally smitten and fallen in love with a new born baby that you were holding for the first time? Their total innocence and angelic nature has you totally focused with awe, love and appreciation? We think that it is the baby that is making us feel so wonderful, but it is actually that we are being so Loving and Grateful and Joyous in that moment that, makes it feel that the doing ie; holding the baby is what makes us feel so happy. Through being self-aware of who we are being at any given time gives us complete responsibility for our own happiness.
From this place I am totally responsible and in control of my own happiness. It is always available to me regardless of what is happening in my life.
The best part about life is that we have freedom of choice. We get to make choices and create our own meaning on anything that we experience in life.
Some may see a great challenge or a blessing in a particular event, others may see it as the worst thing that ever happened to them and use it as a reason why their life is so horrible for years afterwards, recreating and living that event over and over in their mind many times, not stopping to realise that they have a choice to change the meaning of that event and how they feel about it and therefore creating a new life by changing their thoughts and therefore their feelings and their total experience of life.
I'd love to help you make 2015 one of the Happiest years of your life! Please message me if there's an area of your life that you'd like to experience more Happiness, Success and Fulfilment in. Let's rock 2015!
|Posted on November 14, 2014 at 11:55 AM||comments (575)|
What do you think of when you hear the word "Success"? I believe that we possibly are inclined to associate it with words like goals and achievements. To me this can tend to feel very ego and power driven. I’m not saying that it’s not good to have goals and work towards achievements and be focused in the way that you are living your life from a very clear intention and focus. However at times, if that is all that we are focused on then I believe that it can tend to make it feel hard to feel successful if we are not ticking all of the boxes so to speak. Even though we may have done our very best and still achieved a lot.
What rules do you have that define your own measure of Success?
Is it easy for you to feel successful or do you base your worth on how much you get done, or whether or not other people comment, or validate your efforts?
Do you wake up every day feeling successful because you are alive and breathing? Or do you have to wait to the end of the day, after all the boxes are ticked and everyone is happy and everything is neat and in order, before you allow yourself the feeling of success? I can totally relate to the latter. I used to do this to myself a lot of the time, the rules I had for myself to be able to feel successful were so hard that I rarely allowed myself to feel successful. This created so much anger and frustration inside of myself, because even though, I appeared to be “doing” all the right things and working harder and I was more focused than ever before, I didn’t allow myself to celebrate all the little things on the way. I had a “when …………….. (such and such happens) then I’ll be successful” mentality. I had completely forgotten to celebrate life and who I was becoming in every new moment along the way, forgotten to celebrate every time I made a new decision, found a new awareness, or just embraced my beingness.
Stopping to Celebrate
Pausing and reflecting I find are one of the most magnificent ways to bring us back to the present moment, to find peace and gratitude for life and for others, our experiences and ourselves. It gives us an opportunity to celebrate all the joy and wonderful things in every moment.
I feel that sometimes we can lose our self in all the “busyness” of obtaining goals. And the funniest thing is that really at the end of the day, the only real reason that we want the goal or the achievement is because of the feeling that we believe that it will give us. When I weigh …….kgs, then I’ll love my body and feel healthy, when I earn …….$$$ then I’ll feel financially secure, when I own my own home then I’ll feel like I’m on my way to being successful, when I find my partner, then I’ll feel complete……
Of course none of this is really true. Achieving those things, or having those things may enhance those feelings, but all of those feelings are found from within, in WHO we are BEING, rather than from what we are DOING.
This was possibly the biggest realisation for me that I’ve ever had! Because when I realised that my own happiness, fulfilment, peace, joy and love came from within me, in WHO I was choosing to be in each moment, then my doing, just became an outward demonstration of this, which was not linked or tied to any specific action or goal. I found anytime that I felt loving, grateful, blessing, accepting and joyous, then life and “doing things” became a whole lot easier, because of the energy and the way that I was doing these things from.
Previously I had been “doing a whole lot” coming from a place of “I needed to get it all done, so that I could finally be enough, feel successful, have a rest” etc. etc. Which left me in a state of lack, exhaustion, tiredness, anger and resentment.
Now it comes from a place of abundance in feeling so joyous and excited by life, because of WHO I am choosing to be and what I chose to focus my attention on, that “doing a whole lot” now feels easy, because of the energy of joy and gratitude behind it. I could still sit on my couch and feel successful, loving and very happy, as much as I would by ticking off everything or one thing from my lists! My feeling of self-worth is no longer tied to external sources of validation.
What does Success mean to you?
How do you define success in your own life? What needs to happen, or who do you need to be to feel successful? Being successful is a STATE of MIND, not an end goal. Therefore to feel successful, you could even just think of a time in the past that you have done something, or acted in a way that you are proud of. In that moment you will “feel successful”.
When we are able to make it as easy as possible to feel great, this is a wonderful resource for us, as we then tend to link those feelings to our identity. We start to use words like “I am loving”, “I am successful”. When we start to link it to our identity as already feeling and BEING that, then it reinforces the belief that we are already that way, and therefore our actions really will be a reflection of who we believe that we are. xx
“Watch your thoughts; they become your words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” Lao Tzu
|Posted on October 19, 2014 at 10:05 AM||comments (65)|
At times it can feel that to create change in our life, it takes a massive big decision, and lots of change. Sometimes it can feel so big, that we never even start!
Our life is a creation of moments from decisions. Your life is a result of all the decisions that you have ever made. People generally do not suddenly become sick or unwell in a day, nor do they become broke or in massive amounts of debt, get depressed, have marriages and relationships fall apart as the result of just one decision that they made……
Humans can tend to be creatures of habits. We do so many things every day without normally ever stopping to ask ourselves, Is this serving me? Is this taking me to where I want to end up?
People living content, happy and successful lives have habits, just the same as those living a mediocre life at best, or feeling like they are just surviving. Are your habits serving you?
I’m not here saying that we don’t have things happen in our lives that shock us, slap us and blind side us. Of course, yes there are things that happen that create instant massive change in our lives that we are unprepared for and that change the course of our lives forever. Particularly if it’s something that happens to someone we love, or immediately impacts our own wellbeing.
But for the majority of people, we can tend to live from a position of reacting to life, and the things that appear to have “suddenly happened to us” when in reality they have been creeping up on us for some time because of the choices we keep making every day, rather than being proactive in our lives.
What is it that you want for your life and for your loved ones? How would you like to feel emotionally every day? How would you like to look and feel physically? Is it vitality and health that you would like, or is it to feel confident, happy and strong in your body? What type of relationships do you want in life? What freedom would you like with money? How would you like to be able to think each day and have mental clarity, creativity and focus? How would you like to feel about your work/career or business?
In every single area of life, there are people that are thriving and people that are less than happy with “how things are showing up in their life”
Because we are creatures of habits, we tend to be mostly running on autopilot, yes we make a few conscious decisions each day, where we might stop and think for a moment or two if we’d like to do something or not, but the main part of each day, is nothing more than a string of habits that we tie together each day, to complete the day. Most people eat roughly the same thing for at least breakfast and lunch, most people drive the same way to work, act the same in relationships, with their money and with their time and do roughly the same thing day in day out, without ever really consciously deciding what it is that they want, and whether or not their daily actions and habits will take them there.
We live in a society where instant gratification has become the norm. Our lives have become so fast paced that there tends to be irritation and intolerance if things aren’t happening as fast as we’d like them to. For example a particular person hasn’t rung us back, our takeaway food is taking too long, the line up for the coffee is way too long to possibly wait, but we desperately want that latte, and our internet speed is “ridiculously slow!”
A person who has access to the internet, has more information instantly available to them now as what the president of the United States had available to him twenty years ago. Such is progress!
But this fast paced living comes with a price and that is the lack of discipline and the consistency and patience required to reach a worthwhile goal, one that is worth waiting for and developing daily consistent habits that build success. We all want the quick fix, the miracle pill. We are in such a rush to get things, hoping that when we have “this or that” we will finally be happy, or things will be ok. It is based on the fear of lack, not feeling enough as a person, not feeling we have enough time, enough money and enough resources. We can tend to feel that we will finally be enough, when we reach our destination, rather than appreciating every single second and moment of life, and as we constantly look towards the future with longing and wanting, and back at the past consumed with regret, anger or sadness, we miss the very gift of that precious present moment that is right in front of our faces the whole time.
It might be the laughter emanating from our child, the beautiful butterfly, a loved one taking the time to really express how they feel, the beautiful sunshine, the soft breeze on our face, the celebration of every single small accomplishment, the appreciation and beauty that is always available to us, if we are truly present and available to witness it.
Anything that we desire in life, is simply because of the feeling that we believe it will give us, when we have finally gotten that thing. “When we are XX kgs, then we will finally be able to love our bodies the way they are” When I get XX$$$$ then everything will be ok, and I will be able to buy and do what I want to.” “When such and such finally says they’re sorry and acknowledges that they are wrong then I’ll be able to forgive them”
And all this time we wait…… and wait…… and wait…… growing more tense, more uptight and more fearful as every single day passes. The need and desire to get out of this level of pain contributes to any form of escape that we can imagine, mindless TV, drinking, smoking, eating, sex, drugs etc. The list is endless. The only problem is that this feeds the very problem that created the issue in the first place, as we are still no closer to having what we want, and most importantly feeling the way that we wish to.
Our habits are nothing more than a thought that we thought long enough that we finally believed it to be truth, and then because we believed it to be true we took action based on that belief, which then became a habit and eventually became a part of our identity and who we believe that we are.
Granted, a lot of our habits come from our childhood, monkey see, monkey do. Habits are nothing more than a thought that has become a belief, that we have then attached to ourselves and made it our identity. We then use words such as “I am broke, I am a smoker, I am unfit” etc. which only further reinforces this as our identity.
Quite often when people are disgruntled with their lives, their beliefs can be extraordinarily limiting when it comes to dealing with change in their life. There can tend to be the belief that “I’ve always done that, or I’ve always been that way, or it’s just the way I am” Which creates resistance firstly to even believing that change is possible.
The more that we can become firstly aware that life is just a series of tiny decisions that we make (or make unconsciously through our habits) then we create the space to acknowledge that change might actually be possible. Asking great questions is one way to start becoming consciously aware of the way we are living our life, and whether or not we feel satisfied, content and happy with the current direction that we are taking.
The second step is in being clear about what you want and why. What is it that you’d like to have and why do you want that? What will it give you? How will having this impact you and your loved ones?
Thirdly what are you doing every day to move in that direction?
By getting clear on what you want and why, you can begin to create some small changes in your daily habits that will serve you and take you closer to what you would like to have.
Some areas of life that you might like to consider are: Relationships, Physical Health and fitness, Emotional and Mental Wellbeing, Finance, Career/Work/Business, Spirituality, Toys, Adventure, Travel, Contribution to Others, Growth and Learning.
|Posted on July 5, 2014 at 8:20 AM||comments (56)|
Transforming Guilt through the Power of Gratitude
How often do you “should” on yourself? Do you have perfectionist tendencies and need to get everything done, perfectly correct, every time?
Do you feel that unless everyone else is happy around you, and everything is completed, that you are not able to relax or take time out for yourself?
Being a perfectionist or even having lots of “should” in our life, can create loads of tension and stress in your mind, body and soul. When you feel the need to be perfect and get everything done that you think that you need to, it impacts not only your mental, emotional and physical wellbeing, but also takes so much joy and fun out of life. We can become serious and boring, not to mention tense and feel anxious and worried.
Any time that we create “shoulds” it can generate a feeling of guilt.
Guilt can be incredibly damaging not only to our health and wellbeing but especially to our self-esteem, self-confidence and self-belief because when we feel guilty, we may also feel that we should be punished and are undeserving and unworthy because we believe that we are bad and wrong for whatever it is that we have done or not done.Guilt can come in many disguises, it can be that voice in your head that whispers “You shouldn’t eat that”, or “You should’ve called your friend” or “You shouldn’t be late” or “You shouldn’t have said that”.
It can be that sinking feeling in the stomach when we realise the impact of our actions on others, it can be the inner conflict of jugging work, home and kids, and feeling that we are not putting in 100% into all areas, and then the nagging feeling that you want to escape the madhouse and go and have a bath, but little Maggie needs you to read her book to her. It can be the tension in your shoulders when you desperately want to take time out for yourself and rest, and then you look around and see so many things that need to be done. For me personally, I felt that guilt was stamped on my forehead when I had my first baby. Which I’m sure a lot of parents can relate to, and even when we’ve done our very best for our child, in the circumstances and with the knowledge that we had at the time, it can be a feeling of somehow we should have known better, we should’ve known more, and we should’ve done it all different.
Guilt can be created through so many different experiences in life, and can feel overwhelming at times, especially if we feel responsible for making others happy and minimising all of the heartache that the people that we love are experiencing.
Guilt and I seemed inseparable for a long time in my life, it didn’t seem to matter what I did, I felt that guilt was just lurking there in the corner, ready to consume me at any time. I discovered that guilt was a result of feeling extremely conflicted with my values and because everything seemed so important to me, I found it difficult to prioritize anything. For me personally this also came back to a belief that I had that was “I should get everything done, and get it done perfectly” – which of course is impossible. When I started to examine the things that I felt guilty about and what was the side benefit of guilt, I discovered that by feeling guilty, it gave me a feeling of connection with others by feeling that if I couldn’t fix it, or change it, that at least if I felt bad about it, then it showed that I cared about and loved others, by being a martyr and feeling bad.
This also allowed me to drop into self-pity at times, which gave me the side benefit of feeling so sorry for myself, that I would let myself rest to some degree and also connect with myself and how I was feeling. It was an exhausting and incredibly draining and disempowering cycle to be in. I discovered by finding that the highest intention behind my guilt was that I wanted to be doing my best by being the best person that I could be and also helping those that I loved, as well as making a difference in the world, by helping others. When I was able to resolve these inner conflicts and align with Self-Love and start giving love as my soul purpose and realise that anytime I felt guilt it was just a strong indicator of something that I really valued. So if I was behaving in a way that was not congruent with how I believed I needed to be, guilt was just the lighthouse showing me where to go and what to focus on.
It is with that understanding that I was able to drop a lot of the guilt and to feel empowered in making changes to my life and to also recognise how far I had come in many areas of my life. Yes there are still things that need working on, and things that could definitely be better, however by recognising that I am making progress and by being GRATEFUL for where I am at the moment, is the true key to transforming guilt resulting in so much more happiness and joy. I am no longer a victim of my circumstances and I no longer allow guilt to rule my life.
I discovered that guilt was keeping me in a resistant pattern which fed itself literally! So in the life area of health, particularly with food, if I felt guilty for eating a particular food, thinking I shouldn’t be eating this, I would also attach guilt to the action and the behaviour. This made me feel worse, didn’t allow me to enjoy the food, left me feeling unsatisfied and emotionally empty because of the disconnection in self-love that it gave me. Because of that, I would then want more of that same food to try to satisfy the empty feeling inside and to counteract how I was feeling. Then I would feel worse than ever because I would feel even more guilt, and the cycle would continue. All the guilt was trying to show me was that I value my health and taking care of my body is important to me. As soon as I recognised that, I was also able to make the necessary changes, drop the guilt and feel grateful for my health body, and feel grateful for working towards having a healthier body.
I have also found that because of the resistance that guilt produces inside of us, a feeling of guilt can also contribute massively to procrastinating. If I “should” have made a phone call and sorted something out with someone, or “should” have rang a friend to say hello and show them that I cared about them, the more guilt I felt about it, the longer I would put it off. Every time I would go to do it, I would feel guilt, so I would put it aside, try to ignore the guilt and distract myself with something else. Again the guilt was just showing me something that I valued, such as harmony and peace in relationships, and showing those that I love, that I care about them. The guiltier I felt the longer I seemed to procrastinate on it.This can happen in so many areas of our life, and can result in feeling extraordinarily frustrated.
I had a major epiphany one morning, I realised how many things I felt guilty around. I took the time to write a list of all the things I felt guilty about and ended up writing two A4 pages on the things that I “should” do. It ended up being hysterically funny, and I could see the absurdity of all of my thoughts, and how I believed that I needed to be perfect in every area of my life. The truth was that I really was doing ok, I realised that the more I felt guilt around any area of my life, the more that I felt I needed to punish myself, deprive myself and beat myself up, which just kept me stuck and feeling resistant to making any changes. It was exhausting and draining and literally felt like it was consuming me and taking all of the life out of me.
I changed the word “should” to “I am grateful for…… “For example “I should take care of my body” to “I am grateful for taking care of my body”“I should be a better Mum” to “I am grateful for being a better Mum”It was funny because when I read all the new statements out, with being “grateful” instead of “should” the statements were still true and I could find examples in my mind of how they were true.This radically transformed the way I thought about all of the key areas in my life and released so much of the guilt and resistance I had previously felt which naturally lead to a feeling of happiness, gratitude and joy. I realised that I was already doing a lot of the things on my list. And that I could also continue to improve these areas, this time without the guilt attached.
The resulting feeling was one of openness and freedom, and relaxation. It was like I had dropped the weight of the world off my shoulders. I not only felt so much more gratitude for everything that was already in my life, and happy with the way things were, but also excited about the changes that I could make, and how I would continue to grow towards these.
Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools for transformation that I have ever come across. I cannot emphasize its value enough! It is the key to transforming and transcending negative thought patterns and therefore negative feelings. It gets our mind focused on what we want, what we are grateful for. Being able to come from a place of appreciation for our life and all that is in it, radically transforms our health, emotional wellbeing and will be the driver and projector for all the good things to come into your life. It is absolutely one of the key essential ingredients to utilising the law of attraction and especially when we can get into a feeling of gratitude for what is yet to come into our life and what we desire most.
When we can feel grateful, as if it has already happened, it produces excitement and a feeling of empowerment and upliftment. This literally trains your brain and your body, to believe that the experience has happened which then becomes a powerful catalyst for taking the action required to attain your manifestation.
|Posted on May 29, 2014 at 5:40 PM||comments (767)|
Grief is an intensely personal and deep journey that is different for everybody that experiences it. Grief can come in many forms after a significant loss, that of a loved one, friend, or even through a loss of a relationship and or job.
Sometimes grief can feel extremely overwhelming and it is important during these times to just take it moment by moment and not try to look too far ahead, as it can feel like too much to deal with.
It can feel very awkward and uncomfortable for those around us, who care and want to help us with our grief, but they do not know what to say or how to help. A common mistake that people make in supporting others through grief, is in trying to "cheer them up" or "fix them". It's important to remember that the person may be experiencing such deep painful feelings that they can feel "wrong" in feeling sad.
Allowing the person to express their painful feelings and holding their hand through the process, can be the most beautiful thing that we can do for another. We don't have to say or do anything, it's just about being there to listen when they need to talk. If they seem angry or distant, try not to take this personally as they are sifting through the many emotions and thoughts that are going through their mind and trying to make sense of it all.
For some people the first few weeks and months can be mostly numb, as we come to terms with the shock of the loss, accompanied by the sharp, deep stabbing pain, that arises and is released as deep crying and tears and sometimes extreme anger. Sometimes it can feel so surreal as if it were all part of a really bad dream, and we really think that it cannot possibly be true.
Sadness, anger, numbness, disbelief, confusion, guilt, and denial are just a few of the many feelings that you may experience whilst going through deep grief.
You may not feel like eating, or really doing anything. It can sometimes feel that you can't even be bothered with anything anymore and that everything that you used to love to do, no longer brings you happiness.
Grief can be an extremely isolating time, as sometimes we feel that nobody else understands how we feel, and that nobody else gets how painful it is for us. It's so important to reach out to others and let them know how you're feeling, particularly when things feel very tough, or like the pain will never go away.
Over the following months the pain can seem to intensify and last longer, more like a very deep ache in our heart, as our body adjusts to the shock and we start to feel a little bit more, this again can feel extremely overwhelming and feel like it will never end.
Anniversaries, birthdays, Easter and Christmas, can all feel particularly tough and it is important to really take care and be kind and gentle to ourselves on these days.
In time the cycles of sadness, anger, denial and many other emotions will begin to lengthen and you will find that you will start to have more "better" days than "bad"days.
As you start to feel a little better and maybe even laugh, you may find yourself feeling extremely guilty, for even feeling happy. Sometimes it can feel that by being happy we are not honoring the person that we love and have lost. It can feel that if we are happy we don't love them enough, as we aren't sad. This again is a completely normal feeling and experience in grief. In time we will know deep in our heart that the person that we love would want us to be happy. It's easier for us to know that in our head, it can take a little longer to really feel that in our body and heart.
Othertimes it can feel that if we let go of the sadness, we are letting go of the person, we feel that we have to hold onto the sadness otherwise we will lose our connection with our loved one. Again this is a completely normal part of grief and is just another way that sadness and guilt can come up in grief.
If you are experiencing grief, please reach out to others and let them help support you through this time. Be very kind and gentle to yourself. Try to eat healthy nourishing foods, and even a gentle walk in the sunshine and breathing in fresh air can do wonders.
Sometimes we try to fill the void or numb the pain with alcohol, drugs and food. As much as we want the pain to stop, the best way through grief is to let your body feel the pain, breathe experience it and let it go. When we suppress the emotion with food, drugs and alcohol, it will only come back up again to be dealt with at another time. For some this may even be many years later.
Please know that there is no right or wrong way to experience grief. Your experience is a very personal journey and will happen as it is meant to for you.
For those supporting friends and loved ones through grief, please know that they need your support not only in the first few months but also very much afterwards, for some in the 3rd to 4th month period and around the 6mth period as well as the first anniversary and ongoing anniversaries and special dates. The emotions and feelings change so much from day to day and week to week, that if you are supporting someone through grief, an ok day can change very quickly.
If you are at all concerned about how you are feeling or how someone you love is coping, please seek professional advice immediately.
Sending you all much love and many hugs,
|Posted on March 20, 2014 at 7:30 AM||comments (78)|
Whilst ever we choose to see ourselves a victim of our circumstances and tell ourselves the same story over and over (for eg. I am sad, I am overweight, I am broke, I am unhappy, he did this to me, she did this to me), we will never be able to stand in our own power to reclaim our lives and move in the direction of our hearts desire! A simple action such as changing our perception of an unhappy circumstance to looking at it as an opportunity to grow and learn can be enough to create the momentum to take us to where we would like to be