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How to start loving yourself by letting go of the belief that love comes from outside of you.

Posted on February 27, 2017 at 9:40 PM

Can you honestly look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and really appreciate and genuinely love who you are? I’ll be honest, I certainly struggled with that for a long time in my life (I’m now 39), however, these days, I’m able to do it more and more consistently. Yes there are some days that I’d still like to change something, or I’m not as accepting of myself as I’d like to be, but on the whole, as I’ve learned to really embrace the uniqueness and beauty of who I really am, my life has leapt ahead in leaps and bounds, and that’s why I’d really like to share this journey with you.

You see, a few years ago, I felt similar to how you may feel right now. I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, and I allowed other’s opinions of me to totally influence how I felt about myself. My self- worth blew about in the wind, like an autumn leaf; sometimes it was up, and sometimes it was down, depending on what others around me said and did. Even if they were upset because of something in their own life, I would take it very personally and think that they didn’t like me and that maybe I needed to change. It was like I held my own self-worth and inner child in my hand asking for validation from other people, as if to ask them, “Am I ok? Will you love me and accept me, just as I am?” The response I received from the person I was interacting with at the time and the type of day they were having was how I determined if I was lovable or not. I allowed all of that to control the way that I felt about myself and the amount of love that I thought was available to me, as well as who I thought I needed to be for others to love me.

And this was because I let it be that way.

I chose to give away my own inner power and self-love to others and what I thought they thought of me. You can see how messed up this can become! It may not have even been truly what they were thinking, it was all based on my own perceptions of what I thought they were thinking, regardless of if they were actually thinking that or not!

Or if a friend or loved one was too busy and didn’t have time to catch up, my perception was that they didn’t like me or want to spend time with me, which I then perceived to mean that they didn’t love me. Even if the fact was that they were actually just REALLY BUSY!!!

I had no stability in my character or in my beliefs because they chopped and changed depending on how I was feeling about myself, which I allowed to be controlled by how others interacted with me.

Today I am rock solid in my core; yes, I certainly may have waves of emotions and feelings that come and go around me at times, but underneath, there are very sturdy foundations that I can absolutely rely on no matter what is going on in my outer world. I have more confidence, happiness, well-being and health than ever before, and most importantly, I really love and respect who I am and the person that I continue to evolve into every single day. I am able to more easily forgive myself for times when I mess up or don’t respond to others in a way that I would normally. I am also more easily able to forgive others, release my expectations of them, and allow them the freedom to be as they choose in each moment since my self-love and self-worth do not come from how they choose to interact with me.

If you find that it’s difficult to cultivate healthy Self-Love for you, make certain that you register your interest for my online Confident and Lovable Program (coming soon) by emailing me now at [email protected]

Wishing you a blessed and love filled day,

Sal Holden xo



Categories: Self Love and Empowerment, Fulfilling Relationships

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